I'm intrigued, Poppets, by a trend I've noticed. And perhaps trend is too strong a word because there have been no studies, no polls. Just me observing. But what I've observed is this: men identifying as straight are showing up on (mostly hookup) sites aimed at gay and bi people. You'll be looking, enjoying the scenery and there will be a profile with “straight” as the orientation. Intriguing...
So, my question is why? On the bi sites, are these guys looking for two women who may be fashionably bi? Or who might be looking for a sperm donor? The first, perhaps. The second, not so much probably. There are far more reliable ways to find a sperm donor than hookup sites. Regardless, though, I can at least comprehend why a straight man would hang out at a bi hookup site. There are women there. There are even women who make love to other women there, and if that's not the stereotypical straight guy fantasy, I don't know what is.
What intrigues me more, though, is why hang out at a gay site as openly straight. These men aren't self-identifying as curious or questioning or even mostly straight or closeted (all of which are options on some of the sites). Nope. These are guys just saying flat out “I'm straight. Here's a picture of my penis.” On a gay site.
David and I were talking about this phenomenon the other day and came up with a few ideas. Perhaps society is shifting enough, has gotten to the LGBT tipping point, that it is becoming safer to come out, to explore, to acknowledge. Only these guys are still at the baby steps stage and it's a big enough deal to have a profile up on these sites. Actually identifying as anything other than straight is still going to have to take a little while. Remember, coming out is still a very big deal for a lot of people and people are still losing their jobs, their families, their friends, and yes even their lives for doing so. Here in the United States. In spite of what Perez Hilton would have us believe, it still ain't easy everywhere. So, we are at the shift and it's easier and safer, if still not easy and safe.
Another option David came up with (that's sadly a real possibility and ties into the above paragraph), perhaps some of these are men who are just looking for some gay bashing. Personally, I think this is a stupid thing but men who are looking to gay bash aren't exactly Mensa members, either, so...
Finally, I proffer the suggestion that some of these men really are gay but are having a hard time finding a hookup or are just legitimately players so are presenting as straight. Because if two women together is a stereotypical straight man fantasy, let's be honest, a straight man is a stereotypical gay man's fantasy. So, these guys are, according to this theory, presenting as straight in order to play the role and get the score.
However, the truth of the matter is I have no idea why straight guys would hang out on gay hookup sites. I would like to think it's because we are becoming more comfortable and more accepting of our sexuality as individuals and as society. Wouldn't that be lovely if it was true? But I just don't know. So I'm intrigued and asking you, Poppets, do you have any idea? If you are a self-identifying straight man who has a profile up on a gay site, or a gay man who knows someone, or has met someone under those circumstances (or hell, just want to drop a line and say hi about something unrelated entirely), write me at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com. Otherwise, I'll just keep speculating and being intrigued.
Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
July 2009
Ooooo, Poppets! I spent most of the month of June in Mexico. This, my friends, did not suck. Because we were there for David's work, we weren't only in the tourist areas, either, but got to see some very local places and meet some very local people. If you've ever been to a tourist trap in any country, you know what I mean.
We also became very good friends with an amazing man and David's Mexican counterpart. He is, obviously, in the same field as David – the one in which, here in the States, David is concerned about coming out – is about the same age, a Major in the Mexican military, and totally straight. He is also one of the most open and accepting people either one of us has ever met. As first they, and then we, traveled the country, our friend saw everything with the astute eye you would expect from a high ranking official in the military. He came to know and understand David as an individual. He came to know and understand us as a couple. Nothing was said about it. There was no need for sideways glances, awkward jokes or discomfort. We were all just who we are.
This is amazing enough but wait! There's more. The entire southern part of the country is like this. Get away from the border areas and the world relaxes. People touch and kiss and are comfortable with each other. No one has to prove anything to anyone. Two women, topless, touching hands under a beach umbrella aren't worth a second look. Two men putting sunblock on each other's backs by the pool could be brothers or lovers, for all the attention they draw from the locals.
Is it a perfect country? Of course not. No where is. And please note, I talk about the Southern states, not the Northern ones, by the US border. There's a reason for this. Is it, however, a friendly country? Oh hell yes. Far more so than I expect or am used to from the US.
So if you're looking to get away any time soon, consider southern Mexico. And may I specifically recommend Playa del Carmen. Sure, it's more touristy than some of the other places I've spent my month of June but, mi Dios, it's gorgeous and as welcoming as anywhere else. Stop by the Blue Mosquito if you get the chance. It'll restore your soul. At least, it's restored mine.
Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.
We also became very good friends with an amazing man and David's Mexican counterpart. He is, obviously, in the same field as David – the one in which, here in the States, David is concerned about coming out – is about the same age, a Major in the Mexican military, and totally straight. He is also one of the most open and accepting people either one of us has ever met. As first they, and then we, traveled the country, our friend saw everything with the astute eye you would expect from a high ranking official in the military. He came to know and understand David as an individual. He came to know and understand us as a couple. Nothing was said about it. There was no need for sideways glances, awkward jokes or discomfort. We were all just who we are.
This is amazing enough but wait! There's more. The entire southern part of the country is like this. Get away from the border areas and the world relaxes. People touch and kiss and are comfortable with each other. No one has to prove anything to anyone. Two women, topless, touching hands under a beach umbrella aren't worth a second look. Two men putting sunblock on each other's backs by the pool could be brothers or lovers, for all the attention they draw from the locals.
Is it a perfect country? Of course not. No where is. And please note, I talk about the Southern states, not the Northern ones, by the US border. There's a reason for this. Is it, however, a friendly country? Oh hell yes. Far more so than I expect or am used to from the US.
So if you're looking to get away any time soon, consider southern Mexico. And may I specifically recommend Playa del Carmen. Sure, it's more touristy than some of the other places I've spent my month of June but, mi Dios, it's gorgeous and as welcoming as anywhere else. Stop by the Blue Mosquito if you get the chance. It'll restore your soul. At least, it's restored mine.
Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.
Monday, June 1, 2009
June 1, 2009
Happy Pride, Poppets! It’s that time of year again and what a year it is going to be. If you are like my friend, Robin, for whom Pride is more important than Thanksgiving and Christmas combined, like my dear David, whose schedule has never allowed him to attend a single Pride event, or somewhere in between, this is a special time for us and our community. As residents of the Bellingham area, we are practically ground zero for some amazing events, too, so grab your calendars and let’s talk events!
Portland has the first Pride in the area. The festival runs Saturday, June 13th and Sunday, June 14th, at Tom McCall Waterfront Park. Saturday the hours are noon to 11:00 pm; Sunday is noon to 6:00 pm. The Parade itself starts Sunday at 11:00 a.m. More information can be found at: www.pridenw.org
Seattle, closer and probably easier to access, comes next, the weekend of June 26th through 28th. Start the weekend with PrideFeast Friday the 26th. Parts of the proceeds from many restaurants will go to nonprofits that aid and assist the LGBT community. Check www.pridefeast.org soon for a list of participating restaurants. On Saturday, head over to the Volunteer Park Amphitheater by 2:00 for Celebrate Stonewall. It’s the 40th anniversary of Stonewall. Let’s give respect, folks. Then finally Sunday, the Parade starts at 11:00 am. Main stage performances run from 1:00 pm to 6:00 pm with music from the DJ stage from 11:00 am to 7:00 pm. More information can be found at: www.seattlepridefest.org
Beautiful Bellingham ~ and Betty Desire herself ~ bring Pride home July 10th, 11th, and 12th at Market Place. The Parade itself is on the 12th, starting at noon, with events lasting throughout the day. Be sure to stop by and give Betty the props she deserves!
Finally, we are close enough to help our friends to the north celebrate Pride in Vancouver, B.C. Cross the border for Pride Weekend Launch on July 31st at the Vancouver Arts Gallery. That night, stop by Davie Street, between Bukrhard and Bute at 7:00 pm for the Davie Street Pride Party. August 1st, assuming you haven’t overdone it the night before, Davie Street is again the place to be for the Terry Wallace Breakfast. At 11:00 am, the Sunset Beach Festival begins right on Sunset Beach. Get there early or show up after the Parade, which starts at noon on Robson and Thurlow Streets, in downtown Vancouver. More information can be found at: http://www.vancouverpride.ca
And because I’m me, I have to tell you…if you just happen to find yourself (or want to find yourself) in Boston the week of June 5-14, you’re in for a treat. From the flag raising at noon on June 5 running through the block parties on the 14th, the whole city is about us. More information can be found at: www.bostonpride.org or by emailing me at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com
So there you have it, Poppets – lots of Pride events for those of us who have lots of Pride. Have fun. Enjoy yourselves. Remember the world is watching. Have Pride. And until next month, take care of you.
Portland has the first Pride in the area. The festival runs Saturday, June 13th and Sunday, June 14th, at Tom McCall Waterfront Park. Saturday the hours are noon to 11:00 pm; Sunday is noon to 6:00 pm. The Parade itself starts Sunday at 11:00 a.m. More information can be found at: www.pridenw.org
Seattle, closer and probably easier to access, comes next, the weekend of June 26th through 28th. Start the weekend with PrideFeast Friday the 26th. Parts of the proceeds from many restaurants will go to nonprofits that aid and assist the LGBT community. Check www.pridefeast.org soon for a list of participating restaurants. On Saturday, head over to the Volunteer Park Amphitheater by 2:00 for Celebrate Stonewall. It’s the 40th anniversary of Stonewall. Let’s give respect, folks. Then finally Sunday, the Parade starts at 11:00 am. Main stage performances run from 1:00 pm to 6:00 pm with music from the DJ stage from 11:00 am to 7:00 pm. More information can be found at: www.seattlepridefest.org
Beautiful Bellingham ~ and Betty Desire herself ~ bring Pride home July 10th, 11th, and 12th at Market Place. The Parade itself is on the 12th, starting at noon, with events lasting throughout the day. Be sure to stop by and give Betty the props she deserves!
Finally, we are close enough to help our friends to the north celebrate Pride in Vancouver, B.C. Cross the border for Pride Weekend Launch on July 31st at the Vancouver Arts Gallery. That night, stop by Davie Street, between Bukrhard and Bute at 7:00 pm for the Davie Street Pride Party. August 1st, assuming you haven’t overdone it the night before, Davie Street is again the place to be for the Terry Wallace Breakfast. At 11:00 am, the Sunset Beach Festival begins right on Sunset Beach. Get there early or show up after the Parade, which starts at noon on Robson and Thurlow Streets, in downtown Vancouver. More information can be found at: http://www.vancouverpride.ca
And because I’m me, I have to tell you…if you just happen to find yourself (or want to find yourself) in Boston the week of June 5-14, you’re in for a treat. From the flag raising at noon on June 5 running through the block parties on the 14th, the whole city is about us. More information can be found at: www.bostonpride.org or by emailing me at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com
So there you have it, Poppets – lots of Pride events for those of us who have lots of Pride. Have fun. Enjoy yourselves. Remember the world is watching. Have Pride. And until next month, take care of you.
Friday, May 1, 2009
May 1, 2009
Hi Poppets! Once again, your intrepid columnist (that’s me) has so many things she could write about. There’s a lot going on right now. I’m keeping an eye on the fact that the Washington legislature has sent a bill that would include transgendered peoples in the hate crime laws to Gov. Gregoire to be signed (don’t betray my vote, Governor, please!) The fact that Alberta, Canada is looking at delisting gender reassignment surgery (for those of you who don’t know – and I had to look it up so don’t feel bad – it means the cost of the surgery would no longer be covered by the state). Plus, I’m listening to/reading/aware of a brouhaha that’s, well, brewing online and in the blogosphere right now about what it means to be an ally, who gets to define an ally, and what is expected when a person chooses to stand with a group or community. Not to mention the major rally that’s taking place in Philadelphia at the beginning of this month and all the other events that will be occurring as summer moves on. Seriously, what’s a girl to do?
In this case, I’m running home to Mama. See, when I was originally invited to write for the Pages, I was asked to write about what was going on back east. To talk about some of the things that aren’t just in the Bellingham/Vancouver B.C./Seattle area. Then I went and moved to the area which kind of screwed the pooch there. However! This month, it’s a return to writing about some things that aren’t necessarily happening in our backyard. In fact, they aren’t happening in anyone’s backyard. Cyberspace, anyone?
As a reader and an activist, I like to keep up with what’s going on in the world and have found the best place to do that is online. That’s where I can get a reality check about what people are really feeling and thinking. As a writer, supporting other writers is important to me, especially ones who aren’t linked into larger parent companies but are just out there, on their own, plugging away. Let me introduce you to three of my favorite writers, currently telling it like it is in cyberspace:
In this case, I’m running home to Mama. See, when I was originally invited to write for the Pages, I was asked to write about what was going on back east. To talk about some of the things that aren’t just in the Bellingham/Vancouver B.C./Seattle area. Then I went and moved to the area which kind of screwed the pooch there. However! This month, it’s a return to writing about some things that aren’t necessarily happening in our backyard. In fact, they aren’t happening in anyone’s backyard. Cyberspace, anyone?
As a reader and an activist, I like to keep up with what’s going on in the world and have found the best place to do that is online. That’s where I can get a reality check about what people are really feeling and thinking. As a writer, supporting other writers is important to me, especially ones who aren’t linked into larger parent companies but are just out there, on their own, plugging away. Let me introduce you to three of my favorite writers, currently telling it like it is in cyberspace:
- Neo-Prodigy at http://neo-prodigy.livejournal.com/ He is a gay black man living in the American south. He speaks with honesty, humor, and no small amount determination. No one gets a pass. Everyone gets a chance. Feel free to disagree with him but bring your A-game if you do. Mudslinging and blind agreement are both discouraged here but good faith dialogue is welcome. And you’ll want to engage. He’ll make you think; he’ll challenge you; he’ll make you feel; he’ll make you laugh. Seriously, what more could you ask for from a blogger?
- Monica Roberts at http://transgriot.blogspot.com/ A black woman who transitioned in 1994, she addresses the hypocrisies and successes of both the straight and the LGBT communities, politics, women’s issues, gender politics, and anything else she wants to, with a clear-sightedness most of us only hope to achieve. She’s also got one of the most comprehensive blogrolls for the transgendered community I’ve ever seen. Well spoken and thoughtful, she’s a must read for anyone who cares about…well, anything. While she’s not exactly alone out there, and is the best known of these bloggers, too many people still don’t know about her. So, here she is.
- Then there’s D over at http://gaysoldiershusband.blogspot.com/ His blog title says it best and is pretty self-explanatory, don’t you think? Remember my comments a couple months ago about how same-sex marriage isn’t the only issue facing the LGBT community and shouldn’t be the only one we rally around? Well, here’s a person to put with another one of those issues: Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. This isn’t always a happy blog but you know what? It shouldn’t be.
So there you are, Poppets. Three of my favorite bloggers. Not my favorite LGBT bloggers; just three of my favorite bloggers. Who happen to be LGBT bloggers. I hope you enjoy them as well. Please, no trolling. No blazing. Disagree if you do, but don’t disrespect. Represent Betty Pages readers well. I have faith in you. And don’t be surprised if you hear more about the issues I mentioned earlier. Somehow, I don’t think you will be.
Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
April 1, 2009
Ooo Poppets! It’s Spring! Now, I love all four of the seasons. I go a little crazy over a cold, snowy Christmas or a blazing hot Fourth of July. But I’m a real sucker for the transitional seasons – Autumn and yes, Spring.
Now, there are tons of reasons to love Spring. Warmer weather. Flowers blooming. And the return of Famers’ Markets. How can you not love a Farmers’ Market? Absolutely fresh vegetables and fruits; herbs; breads; cheeses; flowers…yeah, a Farmers’ Market is a good thing. Then there are the craft fairs (better known as swap meets, here on the West coast, as I am learning). Artists of just about any ilk, selling beautiful and unique goods, at prices you never see at a mall.
And we’re so incredibly lucky here in Washington because we have some great Farmers’ Markets and craft fairs. I know of about a dozen of them and I’ve only been here about a minute and a half. What makes you lucky is you live in Bellingham, surrounded by at least six different Markets.
The downtown Bellingham Farmers’ Market (www.bellinghamfarmers.org) opens April 4th this year and runs Saturdays through into December, 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. A combination of farmers’ market and swap meet, you can find fresh produce and wonderful gifts for that someone special (yourself, perhaps?) all season long. In other words, it’s perfect for remembering your mom at Mother’s Day and at Christmas. On June 3rd, the Fairhaven Village Green Bellingham Market opens. Hit the downtown version on Saturdays, then run over to this one Wednesday afternoons, noon to 5:00 p.m. for mid-week replacements of fruits and veggies. It’s close; it’s convenient. Who could ask for more?
But if you are looking for a bit of a roadtrip, you’re still in luck. Working chronologically:
Now, there are tons of reasons to love Spring. Warmer weather. Flowers blooming. And the return of Famers’ Markets. How can you not love a Farmers’ Market? Absolutely fresh vegetables and fruits; herbs; breads; cheeses; flowers…yeah, a Farmers’ Market is a good thing. Then there are the craft fairs (better known as swap meets, here on the West coast, as I am learning). Artists of just about any ilk, selling beautiful and unique goods, at prices you never see at a mall.
And we’re so incredibly lucky here in Washington because we have some great Farmers’ Markets and craft fairs. I know of about a dozen of them and I’ve only been here about a minute and a half. What makes you lucky is you live in Bellingham, surrounded by at least six different Markets.
The downtown Bellingham Farmers’ Market (www.bellinghamfarmers.org) opens April 4th this year and runs Saturdays through into December, 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. A combination of farmers’ market and swap meet, you can find fresh produce and wonderful gifts for that someone special (yourself, perhaps?) all season long. In other words, it’s perfect for remembering your mom at Mother’s Day and at Christmas. On June 3rd, the Fairhaven Village Green Bellingham Market opens. Hit the downtown version on Saturdays, then run over to this one Wednesday afternoons, noon to 5:00 p.m. for mid-week replacements of fruits and veggies. It’s close; it’s convenient. Who could ask for more?
But if you are looking for a bit of a roadtrip, you’re still in luck. Working chronologically:
- May 16th is the start of the Anacortes Farmers’ Market (www.mountvernonfarmersmarket.org). Running Saturdays through October 10th, from 9:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m., it’s perfect for early risers (because I’ve heard they do exist; I’m just never awake in time to catch a glimpse of them). While there are farms represented and produce available here, this market leans heavily towards crafts – really lovely crafts.
- May 27th, take a drive down to Sedro Woolley some Wednesday after work. You have from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. to catch the Sedro Woolley Farmers’ Market (http://www.sedrowoolleyfarmersmarket.com). When my husband and I first started dating, he lived in Sedro, so we hit this market often. It’s smaller but still delightful. We bought a pint of strawberries “to take home.” Um…yeah. We had to buy another pint on the way to the car because the first pint was gone before we’d gotten to the next vendor stall. Trust me; try the strawberries. Once strawberry season is over, you still have until October 14th to enjoy the crafts and other produce seasons.
- May 30th brings the Saturday Mount Vernon Famers’ Market (http://www.mountvernonfarmersmarket.org). Also opening at 9:00 a.m. (seriously, who’s up at this hour?) it makes for a closer drive if you don’t want to be up quite that early. Running until 1:00 p.m., even those of us who lag a bit on Saturdays can still get there. Some of us may even decide it’s worth an earlier trip, at least once between May 30th and October 17th when the market closes for the season.
- June 10th, though, starts the Wednesday Mount Vernon Farmers’ Market, for those of you who are thinking “No way in hell, Bridget, am I getting to Mount Vernon by one o’clock on a Saturday.” Believe me, I do understand. Which is why I have always been grateful for the Wednesday market. Wednesdays, you have between 2:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. to enjoy all the goodies available at the Mount Vernon Famers’ Market. Both Saturday and Wednesday offer a pretty even mix of produce, fresh foods and crafts. Definitely worth a trip.
And these are just the ones right here in the Bellingham area. Don’t forget Seattle and Portland and everywhere in between. After the rain and the unprecedented snows this winter, treat yourself. Spring is here. It’s one of the best seasons to live in Washington. And Farmers’ Markets are part of the reason why.
Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
A Quick Explanation
Hi Poppets! You will notice I am posting two articles this month. This is part of why we love the Betty Pages. Let me explain...
I got up on my soapbox originally. I wrote a long, hard (okay, medium-ish) hitting article for the Pages. Then I remembered ~ they had hired me, all those months ago, to be a here's-what's-happening-in-Boston-and-on-the-east-coast columnist. More a Bridget About Town kind of article instead of anything serious. They have been infinitely patient with my forays into the political. So, even though the first article was really the one I wanted in March's Betty Pages, I wrote a second one, just in case, and sent them both off with an explanation and permission to print either one. They asked if they could print both, the lighter piece toward the front of the paper and the heavier one toward the back.
Of course, I said yes. With huge props to Betty and the rest, for being willing to push it a bit. The first article is the lighter one and the second is the "real" one.
Enjoy ~ and take care of you.
I got up on my soapbox originally. I wrote a long, hard (okay, medium-ish) hitting article for the Pages. Then I remembered ~ they had hired me, all those months ago, to be a here's-what's-happening-in-Boston-and-on-the-east-coast columnist. More a Bridget About Town kind of article instead of anything serious. They have been infinitely patient with my forays into the political. So, even though the first article was really the one I wanted in March's Betty Pages, I wrote a second one, just in case, and sent them both off with an explanation and permission to print either one. They asked if they could print both, the lighter piece toward the front of the paper and the heavier one toward the back.
Of course, I said yes. With huge props to Betty and the rest, for being willing to push it a bit. The first article is the lighter one and the second is the "real" one.
Enjoy ~ and take care of you.
March 2009, article 2
Hi Poppets! Remember last month I mentioned I had been angry recently? My nephew helped with that. Well, this month, I have two stories that have helped some more. Personally, friends of mine have just recently become dads! In the news, Hillary and Julie Goodridge, a couple who were at the forefront of the gay marriage issue in Massachusetts, are divorcing.
Why my friends are adopting gives me faith is obvious. If two people were ever going to make good parents, it’s Rob and Ken. They are intelligent, articulate, sensitive, loving and in love men. They are beautifully balanced, with Rob being heart-based and Ken being head-based. Hell, I wouldn’t mind if they adopted me.
Their story is the (sadly) typical one. The first adoption agency they worked with assured them their orientation wouldn’t be a problem. They met a little boy and all three fell in love – and then the agency “reevaluated” their application and decided that a little boy shouldn’t be raised by them, after all. Needless to say, hearts were broken.
At first, my friends thought they could just switch agencies and find another kid. They switched agencies – but they didn’t just find another kid. When the parent-child bond forms, however it forms, it can’t just be transferred from one child to another. Ask any biological parent, stepparent or adoptive parent. Parents are parents when it comes to loving this specific child. They put their application on hold and took time to grieve the loss of their son. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if they would ever continue the process.
Luckily for their son, they grieved, they healed and they decided they did indeed still want to be parents. They met their son at an adoption open house. As Rob put it, they cornered him and practically wouldn’t let any other couples near him. Last month, it became official. Rob, Ken and their son are legally, as well as emotionally, a family.
Why the Goodridges’ divorce gives me faith isn’t nearly as obvious. Why should the end of a marriage give anyone faith? Isn’t that the sort of thing that actually destroys faith? Well, not necessarily. The whole point of same-sex marriage is that LGBT couples are the same as straight couples. They have the same wants, needs, desires as straight couples and should have the same rights as straight couples. All the same rights, including the right to normalcy, to make mistakes, to realize the marriage isn’t working and to divorce. No healthy straight couple marries with the expectation of divorce. Having watched the Goodridges for the entire time they’ve been public figures, I get the feeling these were healthy women in a healthy relationship. There was never the feeling they wanted to marry just for the publicity, for show, or to be role models. I never felt as if they were marrying just for the good of the community because someone had to do it. Their relationship always struck me as honest, healthy…normal.
And now, just as so many straight couples before them (myself included), these honest, healthy, normal women have realized their marriage needs to be over. I don’t know why they’re divorcing. No one but they know why they’re divorcing and I’m not going to speculate here. The fact is they are. As with any divorce, it’s a sad thing. No one likes to see a marriage break up. Yet, the point is, it’s normal. It’s ordinary. Just like every other divorce ever.
Slowly but surely, the system is beginning to work. I know we still have so far to come. I’m not Pollyanna about it. Far from it. And yet… We’re becoming parents. We’re divorcing. We’re living our lives in normal, ordinary ways, even when normal isn’t only the good stuff. If that’s not what we’re working for, I don’t know what is. And that gives me faith.
Until next month, Poppets, remember I can be reached at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com and take care of you.
Why my friends are adopting gives me faith is obvious. If two people were ever going to make good parents, it’s Rob and Ken. They are intelligent, articulate, sensitive, loving and in love men. They are beautifully balanced, with Rob being heart-based and Ken being head-based. Hell, I wouldn’t mind if they adopted me.
Their story is the (sadly) typical one. The first adoption agency they worked with assured them their orientation wouldn’t be a problem. They met a little boy and all three fell in love – and then the agency “reevaluated” their application and decided that a little boy shouldn’t be raised by them, after all. Needless to say, hearts were broken.
At first, my friends thought they could just switch agencies and find another kid. They switched agencies – but they didn’t just find another kid. When the parent-child bond forms, however it forms, it can’t just be transferred from one child to another. Ask any biological parent, stepparent or adoptive parent. Parents are parents when it comes to loving this specific child. They put their application on hold and took time to grieve the loss of their son. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if they would ever continue the process.
Luckily for their son, they grieved, they healed and they decided they did indeed still want to be parents. They met their son at an adoption open house. As Rob put it, they cornered him and practically wouldn’t let any other couples near him. Last month, it became official. Rob, Ken and their son are legally, as well as emotionally, a family.
Why the Goodridges’ divorce gives me faith isn’t nearly as obvious. Why should the end of a marriage give anyone faith? Isn’t that the sort of thing that actually destroys faith? Well, not necessarily. The whole point of same-sex marriage is that LGBT couples are the same as straight couples. They have the same wants, needs, desires as straight couples and should have the same rights as straight couples. All the same rights, including the right to normalcy, to make mistakes, to realize the marriage isn’t working and to divorce. No healthy straight couple marries with the expectation of divorce. Having watched the Goodridges for the entire time they’ve been public figures, I get the feeling these were healthy women in a healthy relationship. There was never the feeling they wanted to marry just for the publicity, for show, or to be role models. I never felt as if they were marrying just for the good of the community because someone had to do it. Their relationship always struck me as honest, healthy…normal.
And now, just as so many straight couples before them (myself included), these honest, healthy, normal women have realized their marriage needs to be over. I don’t know why they’re divorcing. No one but they know why they’re divorcing and I’m not going to speculate here. The fact is they are. As with any divorce, it’s a sad thing. No one likes to see a marriage break up. Yet, the point is, it’s normal. It’s ordinary. Just like every other divorce ever.
Slowly but surely, the system is beginning to work. I know we still have so far to come. I’m not Pollyanna about it. Far from it. And yet… We’re becoming parents. We’re divorcing. We’re living our lives in normal, ordinary ways, even when normal isn’t only the good stuff. If that’s not what we’re working for, I don’t know what is. And that gives me faith.
Until next month, Poppets, remember I can be reached at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com and take care of you.
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