August 1, 2009

I'm intrigued, Poppets, by a trend I've noticed. And perhaps trend is too strong a word because there have been no studies, no polls. Just me observing. But what I've observed is this: men identifying as straight are showing up on (mostly hookup) sites aimed at gay and bi people. You'll be looking, enjoying the scenery and there will be a profile with “straight” as the orientation. Intriguing...

So, my question is why? On the bi sites, are these guys looking for two women who may be fashionably bi? Or who might be looking for a sperm donor? The first, perhaps. The second, not so much probably. There are far more reliable ways to find a sperm donor than hookup sites. Regardless, though, I can at least comprehend why a straight man would hang out at a bi hookup site. There are women there. There are even women who make love to other women there, and if that's not the stereotypical straight guy fantasy, I don't know what is.

What intrigues me more, though, is why hang out at a gay site as openly straight. These men aren't self-identifying as curious or questioning or even mostly straight or closeted (all of which are options on some of the sites). Nope. These are guys just saying flat out “I'm straight. Here's a picture of my penis.” On a gay site.

David and I were talking about this phenomenon the other day and came up with a few ideas. Perhaps society is shifting enough, has gotten to the LGBT tipping point, that it is becoming safer to come out, to explore, to acknowledge. Only these guys are still at the baby steps stage and it's a big enough deal to have a profile up on these sites. Actually identifying as anything other than straight is still going to have to take a little while. Remember, coming out is still a very big deal for a lot of people and people are still losing their jobs, their families, their friends, and yes even their lives for doing so. Here in the United States. In spite of what Perez Hilton would have us believe, it still ain't easy everywhere. So, we are at the shift and it's easier and safer, if still not easy and safe.

Another option David came up with (that's sadly a real possibility and ties into the above paragraph), perhaps some of these are men who are just looking for some gay bashing. Personally, I think this is a stupid thing but men who are looking to gay bash aren't exactly Mensa members, either, so...

Finally, I proffer the suggestion that some of these men really are gay but are having a hard time finding a hookup or are just legitimately players so are presenting as straight. Because if two women together is a stereotypical straight man fantasy, let's be honest, a straight man is a stereotypical gay man's fantasy. So, these guys are, according to this theory, presenting as straight in order to play the role and get the score.

However, the truth of the matter is I have no idea why straight guys would hang out on gay hookup sites. I would like to think it's because we are becoming more comfortable and more accepting of our sexuality as individuals and as society. Wouldn't that be lovely if it was true? But I just don't know. So I'm intrigued and asking you, Poppets, do you have any idea? If you are a self-identifying straight man who has a profile up on a gay site, or a gay man who knows someone, or has met someone under those circumstances (or hell, just want to drop a line and say hi about something unrelated entirely), write me at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com. Otherwise, I'll just keep speculating and being intrigued.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.