April 1, 2009

Ooo Poppets! It’s Spring! Now, I love all four of the seasons. I go a little crazy over a cold, snowy Christmas or a blazing hot Fourth of July. But I’m a real sucker for the transitional seasons – Autumn and yes, Spring.

Now, there are tons of reasons to love Spring. Warmer weather. Flowers blooming. And the return of Famers’ Markets. How can you not love a Farmers’ Market? Absolutely fresh vegetables and fruits; herbs; breads; cheeses; flowers…yeah, a Farmers’ Market is a good thing. Then there are the craft fairs (better known as swap meets, here on the West coast, as I am learning). Artists of just about any ilk, selling beautiful and unique goods, at prices you never see at a mall.

And we’re so incredibly lucky here in Washington because we have some great Farmers’ Markets and craft fairs. I know of about a dozen of them and I’ve only been here about a minute and a half. What makes you lucky is you live in Bellingham, surrounded by at least six different Markets.

The downtown Bellingham Farmers’ Market (www.bellinghamfarmers.org) opens April 4th this year and runs Saturdays through into December, 10:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. A combination of farmers’ market and swap meet, you can find fresh produce and wonderful gifts for that someone special (yourself, perhaps?) all season long. In other words, it’s perfect for remembering your mom at Mother’s Day and at Christmas. On June 3rd, the Fairhaven Village Green Bellingham Market opens. Hit the downtown version on Saturdays, then run over to this one Wednesday afternoons, noon to 5:00 p.m. for mid-week replacements of fruits and veggies. It’s close; it’s convenient. Who could ask for more?

But if you are looking for a bit of a roadtrip, you’re still in luck. Working chronologically:

• May 16th is the start of the Anacortes Farmers’ Market (www.mountvernonfarmersmarket.org). Running Saturdays through October 10th, from 9:00 a.m. until 2:00 p.m., it’s perfect for early risers (because I’ve heard they do exist; I’m just never awake in time to catch a glimpse of them). While there are farms represented and produce available here, this market leans heavily towards crafts – really lovely crafts.
• May 27th, take a drive down to Sedro Woolley some Wednesday after work. You have from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. to catch the Sedro Woolley Farmers’ Market (http://www.sedrowoolleyfarmersmarket.com). When my husband and I first started dating, he lived in Sedro, so we hit this market often. It’s smaller but still delightful. We bought a pint of strawberries “to take home.” Um…yeah. We had to buy another pint on the way to the car because the first pint was gone before we’d gotten to the next vendor stall. Trust me; try the strawberries. Once strawberry season is over, you still have until October 14th to enjoy the crafts and other produce seasons.
  
• May 30th brings the Saturday Mount Vernon Famers’ Market (http://www.mountvernonfarmersmarket.org). Also opening at 9:00 a.m. (seriously, who’s up at this hour?) it makes for a closer drive if you don’t want to be up quite that early. Running until 1:00 p.m., even those of us who lag a bit on Saturdays can still get there. Some of us may even decide it’s worth an earlier trip, at least once between May 30th and October 17th when the market closes for the season.
  
• June 10th, though, starts the Wednesday Mount Vernon Farmers’ Market, for those of you who are thinking “No way in hell, Bridget, am I getting to Mount Vernon by one o’clock on a Saturday.” Believe me, I do understand. Which is why I have always been grateful for the Wednesday market. Wednesdays, you have between 2:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. to enjoy all the goodies available at the Mount Vernon Famers’ Market. Both Saturday and Wednesday offer a pretty even mix of produce, fresh foods and crafts. Definitely worth a trip.
  

And these are just the ones right here in the Bellingham area. Don’t forget Seattle and Portland and everywhere in between. After the rain and the unprecedented snows this winter, treat yourself. Spring is here. It’s one of the best seasons to live in Washington. And Farmers’ Markets are part of the reason why.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

A Quick Explanation

Hi Poppets! You will notice I am posting two articles this month. This is part of why we love the Betty Pages. Let me explain...

I got up on my soapbox originally. I wrote a long, hard (okay, medium-ish) hitting article for the Pages. Then I remembered ~ they had hired me, all those months ago, to be a here's-what's-happening-in-Boston-and-on-the-east-coast columnist. More a Bridget About Town kind of article instead of anything serious. They have been infinitely patient with my forays into the political. So, even though the first article was really the one I wanted in March's Betty Pages, I wrote a second one, just in case, and sent them both off with an explanation and permission to print either one. They asked if they could print both, the lighter piece toward the front of the paper and the heavier one toward the back.

Of course, I said yes. With huge props to Betty and the rest, for being willing to push it a bit. The first article is the lighter one and the second is the "real" one.

Enjoy ~ and take care of you.

March 2009, article 2

Hi Poppets! Remember last month I mentioned I had been angry recently? My nephew helped with that. Well, this month, I have two stories that have helped some more. Personally, friends of mine have just recently become dads! In the news, Hillary and Julie Goodridge, a couple who were at the forefront of the gay marriage issue in Massachusetts, are divorcing.

Why my friends are adopting gives me faith is obvious. If two people were ever going to make good parents, it’s Rob and Ken. They are intelligent, articulate, sensitive, loving and in love men. They are beautifully balanced, with Rob being heart-based and Ken being head-based. Hell, I wouldn’t mind if they adopted me.

Their story is the (sadly) typical one. The first adoption agency they worked with assured them their orientation wouldn’t be a problem. They met a little boy and all three fell in love – and then the agency “reevaluated” their application and decided that a little boy shouldn’t be raised by them, after all. Needless to say, hearts were broken.

At first, my friends thought they could just switch agencies and find another kid. They switched agencies – but they didn’t just find another kid. When the parent-child bond forms, however it forms, it can’t just be transferred from one child to another. Ask any biological parent, stepparent or adoptive parent. Parents are parents when it comes to loving this specific child. They put their application on hold and took time to grieve the loss of their son. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if they would ever continue the process.

Luckily for their son, they grieved, they healed and they decided they did indeed still want to be parents. They met their son at an adoption open house. As Rob put it, they cornered him and practically wouldn’t let any other couples near him. Last month, it became official. Rob, Ken and their son are legally, as well as emotionally, a family.

Why the Goodridges’ divorce gives me faith isn’t nearly as obvious. Why should the end of a marriage give anyone faith? Isn’t that the sort of thing that actually destroys faith? Well, not necessarily. The whole point of same-sex marriage is that LGBT couples are the same as straight couples. They have the same wants, needs, desires as straight couples and should have the same rights as straight couples. All the same rights, including the right to normalcy, to make mistakes, to realize the marriage isn’t working and to divorce. No healthy straight couple marries with the expectation of divorce. Having watched the Goodridges for the entire time they’ve been public figures, I get the feeling these were healthy women in a healthy relationship. There was never the feeling they wanted to marry just for the publicity, for show, or to be role models. I never felt as if they were marrying just for the good of the community because someone had to do it. Their relationship always struck me as honest, healthy…normal.

And now, just as so many straight couples before them (myself included), these honest, healthy, normal women have realized their marriage needs to be over. I don’t know why they’re divorcing. No one but they know why they’re divorcing and I’m not going to speculate here. The fact is they are. As with any divorce, it’s a sad thing. No one likes to see a marriage break up. Yet, the point is, it’s normal. It’s ordinary. Just like every other divorce ever.

Slowly but surely, the system is beginning to work. I know we still have so far to come. I’m not Pollyanna about it. Far from it. And yet… We’re becoming parents. We’re divorcing. We’re living our lives in normal, ordinary ways, even when normal isn’t only the good stuff. If that’s not what we’re working for, I don’t know what is. And that gives me faith.

Until next month, Poppets, remember I can be reached at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com and take care of you.

March 2009, article 1

Hi Poppets. Last month, I mentioned that I had been angry for a while. This month – okay, I’m still angry, who am I trying to kid – but I’ve also been mellowed a bit by a major professional success and a wedding. Yep, David and I did it; we got married. And yes, before you ask, we did indeed follow my own suggestions. We used a florist and baker who support the LGBT community; our officiant has performed commitment ceremonies before; and believe me, the function site is hugely LGBT supportive. We got married in our living room.

Being a new bride gave me some interesting perspectives on things. I have health insurance. We can pay taxes jointly. Both David and I have a societal recognition that we didn’t have, even as committed-sharing-lives partners, before the 22nd of February. I understand why marriage is such a huge issue within the community.

And I recognize my privilege. I am a straight woman marrying a man. I haven’t gone through the struggles to accept this side of myself, the way David has. Every state in the nation recognizes that we are legally and lawfully wed. Whatever that intangible is that comes with “marriage” over “domestic partnership” (if it should exist or not, which is a whole different column), exists for us. We aren’t partnered. We aren’t committed. We are married. Huge numbers of people are denied this very basic right and these very special intangibles. I get why marriage is important.

However, being a newlywed has also given me another interesting perspective. It is not the be-all, end-all. It is far from the only important issue within the community. David still can’t come out at work without fear of repercussion. The best situation would be some pilots and crew refusing to fly/work with him. The worst would be losing his job. They’d find a “legitimate” reason to fire him – and it would still come within weeks of his coming out. Already people are treating him differently, being warmer and friendlier since “those rumors weren’t true.”

His son started a new school not long ago. The first week, a young man that some of the kids suspected of being gay was beaten up in the lunchroom. In front of everyone, very publicly. The police were called; the school suspended the kids who did the beating. But you can believe the message was received by the student body.

A friend of mine, an incredibly talented author, has recently been asked for a complete list of his published works by the college where he teaches. It should’ve been something we celebrated. Instead, several of us spent a while thinking about and discussing if he could/should submit his gay erotica, as well as his straight fantasy. In the end, he decided not to because it was too risky.

Nationally, we had a major American corporation, McDonald’s, come out in support of us. No flash, nothing huge, no great publicity, nothing really in it for them. Just quietly, strongly, peacefully say that we as a community and as individual human beings are worthy. We let them take the hit in their books. In essence, we said we didn’t care enough for them to stand with them, while they were standing with us. No wonder they’ve backed down to pressure from the other side.

I’ve heard several people say or write “gay is the new black.” Really? First, let’s set aside the fact that most people in the LGBT community can pass when necessary, can stay closeted when it’s not safe – a gift that the vast majority of black people do not have. Let’s just look at the claim: Gay is the New Black.

Black Americans faced dogs, beatings, hoses, imprisonment and death in order to vote, in order to be safe in their workplaces, their schools, their very homes. In order to be allowed to work. Be allowed to walk and sit and live and stay wherever they chose. In order to be recognized as human beings. And yes, in order to marry whomever they loved. Still, these other tangible rights were far more important than the intangibles that come with being married. They understood this and were willing to stand together, support those who supported them, go to jail and, in more cases than is comfortable to admit, die for the right to be seen as complete and whole human beings.

Yet within the LGBT community, the one issue that has transformed us, that has rallied us, consistently and beyond the latest news cycle, is same sex marriage. When a child is killed for being gay or transgendered, we rage and protest and write our senators…until the furor dies down. We become members of the Human Rights Campaign and send in our checks and shake our heads. But we don’t even buy our coffees from McDonalds, let alone rise up as one when children get beaten, rather than killed, in their schools. We do not demand that our media outlets report it. We do not march on D.C. or Seattle or Atlanta demanding that we be safe from discrimination, in any of its ugly forms. Instead, we rally over…same sex marriage. But Gay is the New Black. No. It’s not. Not when the only thing that lights a fire under our collective butts for any length of time is marriage, and we sit silent otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, Poppets. I do understand why marriage is important. I’m a privileged newlywed. Marriage, the tangible rights, and intangible emotions that come with it are important. They just aren’t, and shouldn’t be, the most important. Not while we’re still being denied jobs and homes and safety and lives.

And to anyone who would say this column is just subconscious community loathing, I would say, just the opposite. It’s my love of and respect for this community that makes me so angry when I see our short-sighted, narrow goals. We can be better than this. We are better than this. We must be better than this.

Until next month, Poppets, remember I can be reached at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com and take care of you.

February 2009

You want to know a secret, Poppets? I’ve been angry the past several months. I’ve been trying not to turn into a screaming mee-mee or a raving lunatic – but I’ve been angry, nonetheless. I’ve been angry at the AFA for calling a boycott on McDonald’s for supporting us as a community. I’ve been angry at us as a community for seemingly not caring enough about anything but marriage enough to counter the boycott. I’ve been angry at the people who voted to take our right to marry. I’ve been angry at the racism and bigotry that showed up within our community in response to that vote. Honestly, I’ve been close to giving up. Giving up hope. Giving up faith. Giving up trust.

Then I got an email from my nephew. He’s sixteen. He’s on Facebook (aren’t they all?) He had been communicating with a person from the heart of the Bible Belt. Said person stated that we “all” feel sexual compulsion towards members of the opposite sex and had called homosexuality akin to murder: “just wrong and everybody knows it.” Needless to say, this didn’t help with my anger issues at first. Until I read his response:

As to your comparison of someone acting upon feelings for another of the same gender, to someone committing murder, I find it offensive. While I understand the desire to stick with one theme in a metaphor, I believe that was a step too far. Implying that under the logic that homosexuality is right because it feels right, that murder must be right as well if it in turn feels right is flawed. … As to the 'choice' of being homosexual, I'm afraid I don't have leeway in this particular strain of the conversation. I always try to be open minded, even about something that I feel as strongly about as Gay Rights. However, in this case, I am emphatic. You are indeed mistaken. 'We' do not 'All' feel a compulsion towards members of the opposite sex. … To close, I will refer to the Bible. …you are a Christian. Let’s break that word down. Christian literally means, 'Follower of Christ'. If you were indeed so, would not His words take precedence over any others? Jesus says to Love all. That would, by logic, include those with different sexual tendencies. … I try not to engage in discussions about the Bible however, not being Christian and having never read the Bible. I have however, been raised with strong morals, a love for human-kind, and an understanding of different points of view and preferences. I don't believe that any book, seen by some as word of God or not, should attempt to take away the very human fiber and rights to happiness that all men and women are born with upon this earth.

Dude… I’m still angry, Poppets. I still think we can do and be better than we’ve been – as a community; as a society; as a people as a whole. It still concerns me that there is at least one teenager out there who believes homosexuality is akin to murder - and you know that one isn’t the only one. But that flicker of hope I carry hasn’t gone completely out. Because there’s also at least one teenager who not only gets it but is willing to stand up and speak out for us, against hate - and I have to believe he’s not the only one. I have to hope.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

January 1, 2009

Hi Poppets! Here it is, 2009. Amazing, isn’t it? Something brand new is beginning. I mean, the world has never seen 2009 before. It’s a time to look forward, a time of fresh starts, a time to leave the past behind us and move forward, fresh, clean and scrubbed shiny. Everything you hated about your life, your job, your body, yourself can be different now, right? At least, that’s what the gyms and the diet centers and the online colleges and the employment agencies and, and, and…and we, ourselves, tell us this time every year.

New Year Resolutions are so common they are practically part of our culture. Depending on the study you read, anywhere between 50% and 90% of us have made at least one resolution based on the turning of the calendar. For most of us, that resolution will be about weight, smoking or finances. Yet the breaking of the New Year Resolutions long about March is so common it’s clichéd. Again, depending on the study, anywhere between 85% and 95% of resolutions are broken. We won’t stick to our diets and workouts, quit smoking or start saving. You know why? Because New Year Resolutions don’t work. There is nothing different or magical about this time of year that makes a personal change any more effective or long-lasting than it would be on some random Tuesday in April. What is different – though hardly magical – is the pressure on us this time of year to make a change. And it’s that pressure, that sense of false possibility, that bothers me.

There’s the societal pressure to make the resolution. There’s the fact that making a resolution inherently includes pressure to keep said resolution. Then there’s the personal pressure. Is there ever personal pressure. First, we beat ourselves up over the weight, smoking, spending, insert your own issue here for the past several months (years, maybe?) to the point that we need to make a resolution about it. Then we put pressure on ourselves for the next several days or weeks to keep the resolution – even though we haven’t been able to lose weight, quit smoking, save money, insert your own issue here, up until now. Oh. Don’t forget the continued lectures about weight, smoking, money, whatever, that are probably continuing in spite of the resolution. Are we having fun yet? Finally, if the pressure actually gets to us and we quit on the resolution (which, to reiterate, 85-95% of us will), there are the stronger lectures and increased dislike of ourselves and our issue than there were before we made the resolution in the first place. And hey, I want to start a new year with self-loathing and recrimination! Whoo-hoo!

I think we have enough people willing to beat us up, call us names, and make us feel less-than without us helping them. I think we have already found reasons enough to beat ourselves up, call ourselves names and make ourselves feel less-than without giving us another one. All buying into the New Year Resolution does is set yourself up to fail. Maybe it’s me, but I can fail often enough all on my own without setting myself up to do it.

Don’t get me wrong. In all seriousness, I am staunch believer in personal growth. If there is something you want to change about your life, you have my support. Just don’t buy into the fact that it has to happen right now or that it is supposed to be easier somehow right now. If you really want to change something, think about picking a date later this month or early February. Change it because you want to change it and because you’re ready to change it. Otherwise, love and accept yourself the way you are, faults and all. Now that’s a resolution I can get behind.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

December 2008

Ah Poppets! The season of giving is upon us. And what a season this one will be. The predictions are doom and gloom and the economy is in the toilet. Lovely, isn’t it? For some people, giving just won’t be possible this year. If that is the case for you or if you just don’t give, I’m not here to judge that. Not at all. If, however, you are giving this year, I have a few suggestions for you.

In another lifetime, I worked in human services and I can tell you, whatever you give, we’re grateful for. I can also tell you, though, that everybody and their neighbor are donating canned green beans, Stovetop stuffing, Barbie dolls and action figures. And thank God for it because those are the cornerstones of human services holiday drives. Every single can of green beans and Barbie doll will find a home, I promise.

However, there are other needs as well. And you know what people aren’t donating? People aren’t donating…

• wrapping paper, ribbon and tape (because sometimes it’s really nice for a parent to be able to wrap his or her kids’ presents);
• artificial Christmas trees, ornaments and stockings (because, seriously, every kid should have these);
• stocking stuffers (because there is little sadder than an empty stocking);
• gifts for teenagers - especially teenage boys* (because everybody likes to get things for the little ones but how tough is it to be 13 and watch your younger siblings get gifts while you get…nothing);
• full-sized toiletries (because guess what? people still need to brush their teeth!);
• gift cards for gas stations (because sometimes the greatest gift you can give a family is a way to get to work);
• board games the whole family can play (because it’s nice to come together occasionally);
• books (because yes, kids really do still read);
• adult-sized underwear - especially men's (because adults are in need this time of year, too);
• AA batteries (because people donate the electronics but forget about the batteries to run them. I wish I was joking.)

*I put the asterisk there because teenage boys tend to be the most difficult category to buy for so here are some specific suggestions: ballcaps for our local teams; gloves; t-shirts with funny sayings on them; posters of bands or cars or sayings (not religious, please); walkmen (with the batteries!); clever boxer shorts; gift certificates for CD's; backpacks, gloves and scarves; art supplies like sketchbooks, paints and pencils; "How To" books; and science fiction, adventure or action novels.

Now, Poppets, seriously, I meant it when I said you don’t have to give. I meant it when I said Thank God for green beans and stuffing. However, many of us do start thinking of giving at this time of year. So, if you’re going to give anyway, why not give a little something different?

If you’re giving or not, if you’re celebrating a religious holiday or a secular one, wherever and whoever you are…My warmest wishes to you, Poppets. Until next month, be safe, be sane, call a cab…and take care of you.