December 1, 2016

It’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Yule, and time for the secular visit from Santa my friends! Which also means, in spite of everything else that’s happening around us right now, there’s a special something in the air. A something that makes it easy to want to give, to take care of each other, to help the less fortunate.

Now, if you aren’t giving, can’t give, or don’t want to, that’s your business and I truly do not judge (and not in that “I’m not judging” way that your aunt has which means she’s actually judging the shit out of you, but real and genuine not judging).

However, if you’re looking to give, may I suggest making your holiday giving just a little different than it has been in the past. Consider…

Planned Parenthood. 1530 Ellis Street, Bellingham, WA. https://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center/washington/bellingham/98225/bellingham-health-center-2454-91780 Think they’re just for straight women? Think again. Right there on their site is the fact that they offer LGBT services and men’s health services. But at this point, let’s be honest – most of the straight women who access Planned Parenthood are as vulnerable as we are. Intersectionality is a thing, people. So the organization needs support, regardless.

The Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR). The closest branch is in Seattle, and you can find more information here: http://cairseattle.org/ For many people, this one is a little scary. We’ve been taught to be afraid. Getting past that fear is important, though. Not sure where to start? The landing page of CAIR Seattle (at the time of this writing, anyway) has an article titled How to Be an Ally and a Friend. You don’t have to be perfect. You do have to care.

Want to keep it a little more in the family, so to speak? Muslims for Progressive Values out of California is openly and directly allied with the LGBTQ community. You can find them here: http://www.mpvusa.org/

NW Immigration Rights Project. https://www.nwirp.org/ Their core values are dignity, fairness, solidarity, self-determination, safety, and inclusion. If we in the LGBTQ community don’t understand the absolutely vital necessity of these principles, then no one does. Don’t let the fear mongers teach you anything else.

Here’s the thing, though – some people are over being political. Or aren’t at all. Or need a break. Or just want to make a kid smile on the holiday. You can do that, too.

The Whatcom County Food Bank at 1824 Ellis Street is happy to take donations. Just stop by Monday through Friday. Also, if you’re over people but want to help animals, they accept pet food donations on behalf of the Humane Society.

The Northwest Youth Services (http://www.nwys.org/always-needed-items/), Lydia’s Place (http://lydiaplace.org/support/), Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services (http://dvsas.org/get-involved/donate/)are three of the many organizations that need and take donations. If none of these work for you, call the local churches, temples, and senior centers. They will have options and resources for you.

It may seem very dark right now. It may stay very dark for a while. But the holidays are a time we can push back against the dark, bring in a little light.  And trust me when I tell you that the people in need aren’t the only ones who will feel better if you give.

Whatever you celebrate, may it be joyous and blessed. And until next month – next year – take care of you.

November 1, 2016

It’s November, which means for many of us, myself included, it’s Thanksgiving time. For others, it’s a problematic holiday, and I really get that. So instead of focusing on the day or the holiday, let’s focus on the idea of being thankful. Because, let’s be honest, it can feel like it’s hard to find anything to be thankful for these days.

States are passing oppressive and dangerous anti-trans laws; employment and safety laws are being diluted and eroded; and a major candidate for president refers to us as “the gays” (and so much more, but I promised myself I wouldn’t go there today…).

So, yeah, it’s hard to find something to be thankful for. But that doesn’t mean it’s not there.
This month, rather than get bogged down in the governments, businesses, and communities that hate us, I’m choosing to be thankful for the businesses and communities that are standing with us, pushing back, and declaring our side to be their side.

Now, the truth is that I struggle with having allies and my response to them. Because being an ally means standing with a group of people who are not the people in power. Otherwise, they wouldn’t need allies. On the one hand, I think we should support allies back. Praise them. Thank them. Give them our time, money, and/or energy in return.

However, I also understand the response that says “I’m not going to give cookies to someone for treating me like the human being I actually am.” I get that side of it, too. Which is why I struggle.
So for me, I will be giving these companies my money and my support – and my thanks – this month, and as often as possible. While you have to make the decision for yourself, I can at least put these names in front of you, and let you decide.

Since we’re into the holiday season (again, for many of us), let’s look at some basic categories:

Grocery stores: Kroger brands gets 100% from the Human Rights Campaign. Here in Bellingham, that’s Fred Meyers. Wal-Mart, as much as I hate to give them props for anything, gets a 90. Whole Foods gets an 85, and SuperValu – or the Haggen's here in town – gets an 80. That’s not say that other stores in the area are bad. It just means I can’t find a rating or an official policy for them.

Retail shops: The very cool part about this category is that I can give you several stores that get 100s, and this is nowhere close to an all-inclusive list. Best Buy, Barnes and Noble, GameStop, Hallmark, Home Depot, JC Penney, and Target. 

Miscellaneous: CVS, Chevron, Seattle’s Best Coffee, Starbucks, and Walgreens all also merit 100s.
The Important Holiday Stuff (booze, I’m talking about booze): MANY liquor companies get 100% from the HRC. Some specific options, but not anywhere close to all of them – Bacardi; Bailey’s; Bodega Elena de Mendoza; Glenlivet; Jack Daniels; and Seagrams.

And, one last thought, in case you’re interested… the Trump Organization ranked 0.

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

October 1, 2016

I started writing for Betty in 2007. Since 2008, every single October I have written about Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Because not only is it the cause that’s dearest to my heart, every September there has been an LGBTQ domestic violence episode in the news, in my life, somewhere putting it right up in my face that this topic must be talked about. That domestic violence occurs every single day within our very own community. That abusers aren’t only straight, cis men.

Until this year. It has taken nine years, but there is no national headline, no personal phone call, no friend in need this year.

But guess what? Domestic violence still occurs every single day within our community. Within every community.

As much as I want to be thrilled that there’s nothing in the news, no immediate reminder, I can’t be. Because it just means I haven’t heard about it. Not that it hasn’t happened. Maybe you haven’t heard about it either. It’s still happening.

So, I’m going to, once again, tell you about the NW Network in Seattle, a domestic violence and sexual assault organization created specifically to serve the LGBTQ community. If you need them – if you are a victim, if you are looking for information and resources, if you want to help a loved one, or if you just have questions – they’re here for you. This month, they’re running a 7 week class entitled “Grrrl, We Got You.” It’s a strategy and exploration lab on community response to violence. While there is a suggested donation, no one will be turned away due to lack of funds. Reach them online at: http://www.nwnetwork.org/ or on the phone for help and support during regular business hours at: 206-568-7777.

And about the Skagit Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services, out of Mount Vernon. While they are not specifically an LGBTQ organization, they are committed to helping anyone who calls access information, resources, and help. They have many services, including support groups. And their annual Black and White Masquerade Auction is this month on the 22^nd. Tickets are running about $65 and masks are even provided. Learn more about the event, the organization, or get help here: http://www.skagitdvsas.org/index.html. To get help, call their 24-hour hotline: (888) 336-9591.

And about Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services right here in Bellingham. When I called, they assured me that their resources are available to us, their shelters are open to anyone who identifies as female, and their volunteers get training on LGBTQ issues. You don’t have to travel just to get help. And next month, you can be a part of their largest fundraiser – Hands for Hope Auction and Gala. Stand up against domestic violence and sexual assault as if affects everyone. Get help, get access, and learn more about them at: http://dvsas.org/ or if you need assistance, call the hotline at: 877.715.1563 or 360.715.1563.

It’s October. And as much as I love warm fires, chilly nights, and the turning of the leaves, October really means my heart is one place, if the news cycle is or not.

September 1, 2016

If you’re like me, you’re hearing a lot of people talking about third party candidates. About write-in candidates. About boycotting the election entirely.

Believe me, I get it. I felt the Bern. And, while I don’t dislike Hillary Clinton as much as many people do, she doesn’t represent the great leap forward that our country was poised to make.

But that’s my opinion. Those are my feelings. And while I can be as heart-based as the next person, it’s vital that this election be decided on facts.

Facts like these:

Fact 1: There are only three presidential candidates who are going to be on the ballot in all 50 states: Donald Trump, Gary Johnson, and Hillary Clinton. However you may feel about Jill Stein, she is not going to be on the ballot in all 50 states. She cannot win the presidency.

Fact 2: Gary Johnson is a Libertarian. Now, an aside and full disclosure - in my deepest heart of hearts, so am I. I love the Libertarian ideals. The idea of small government. Of leaving major decisions up to the states and the people. I don’t want to live in a world that has to have government control, oversight, and regulation. I would dearly love for businesses to police themselves, employers to always do what’s right, states to consider their entire population as opposed to just the wealthy, and medical care to be affordable. All that and more. I believe deeply in personal responsibility and accountability. I also recognize that this is not who we are as a people. When left to our own devices, we screw it up. HOWEVER! That’s an opinion and we are looking at facts. So here are the facts* that come with Gary Johnson:       

He wants government out of marriage. He supports marriage equality. But before the government got involved in marriage equality, it didn’t exist. It took the government to make our marriages legal – and Johnson is against that kind of intervention.

·        He wants to leave educating our children to the states, with no federal oversight. Which means children from different states will be taught different curricula. Nevermind what’s real, what’s belief, what’s science, what’s not, what’s historically accurate, what’s not. Put that aside for a moment. Children who come from the same country will be taught different information because their states got to choose what to teach them.

·        He believes in unlimited campaign contributions from corporations to politicians. Hillary Clinton is being raked over the coals because she’s “in Wall Street’s pocket.” Think about what unlimited campaign contributions from corporations would do.

·        He cut his state’s Medicaid and Medicare budgets by 43%. So, the federal government isn’t responsible for the country’s most vulnerable – but the states can slice budgets by nearly half.

·        He’s against a federal minimum wage. Enough said.

·        He wants to privatize social security and raise the retirement to age 70 or even 72. Social security is our money. We made it. We gave it over. We had an agreement. Now, he wants to change that agreement.

And here’s the final piece, folks – Stein nor Johnson nor any other third party candidate or write in candidate is going to win this year. It would be lovely if Bernie could get enough write-ins to win. But he couldn’t get enough actual votes to even secure the nomination. He’s not going to get the win.

Fact 3: It’s a race between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. No matter who’s on the ballot, that’s the fact.

You’ve got two months to participate or not in this election, however you see fit. You get out and knock on doors, make phone calls, or sit quietly and do nothing. You can stomp and rage and protest, or just quietly seethe that your candidate didn’t win. Argue it, or shut it down with silence. Engage or ignore. I do not care.

But come November, vote. You must. This is not the year to not vote. Or to try to take a stand by voting for a third party. Look at the facts. Look at what’s at stake. And whatever you do over the next two months, come November, vote.

*http://www.ontheissues.org/Gary_Johnson.htm 

August 1, 2016

How was your Pride last month? I truly hope it was special. Back in June, we went to David’s first ever Pride Parade in Boston. Next month, we’re hoping to catch the Pride events in Worcester, where we currently call home.

I’m starting with that question because I am doggedly determined to write a happy, uplifting, peaceful article this month. Why? Because as I’m writing it, the Republican National Convention is going on. Donald Trump has just given the American people the chance to put Mike Pence a bad cold away from the Oval Office. And the nation is still reeling from gun violence. Expect articles on all of that as both situations develop – but for now, I’m focused on something else. At least for a month.

So here’s that something else, something that happened last month. The very same week I wrote this article and everything I just mentioned went down, in fact.

The California State Board of Education unanimously passed a ground-breaking LGBTQ addition to the history/social sciences curriculum. Come this fall when public schools go back into session, the history, rights, and accomplishments of LGBTQ peoples will be part of the everyday curriculum.

Starting in 2^nd grade, students will learn about same-sex couples. By 4^th grade, they’ll be learning about the LGBTQ organizations that came about as early as the 1950s. In middle school, they’ll move on the evolution of gender norms in the 18^th-20^th centuries – and the people who pushed back against them. By the time California public school students are in high school, they will be learning about the laws and struggles happening currently, like the fight for marriage equality and the anti-trans bathroom bills in states nationally.

And the new regulations go one step further – not only are the new classrooms inclusive, anti-LGBTQ teachings are banned. There’s no exception for “religious freedom” or any attempt at being “fair and balanced.” We exist. We were oppressed. We are marginalized. We continue to fight back. We continue to contribute. We matter. There is no counter-argument.

The need for this is clear. And not just because our history IS American history. But because according to a 2013 national survey, 74% of LGBTQ middle and high school students experienced verbal harassment due their orientation and identity. In schools without explicitly inclusive materials, 60% of LGBTQ students report feeling unsafe. That number drops to 30% in schools with explicitly inclusive materials.

Now, I’m me, which means I look at most things with a heaping spoonful of skepticism. I am concerned that we still desperately need a Black History Month, but the history of LGBTQ people gets fully incorporated into the daily curriculum. Will this include LGBTQ people of color? Or is there going to be a white-washing? Are transmen and –women going to be truly included? Or is it going to be the history and struggle of white, gay men – which counts and is part of the story, but nowhere near the full story.

I don’t mean to end on a skeptical note, and I am definitely excited about this move. It has the potential to be huge. So come on, California, don’t screw this up. The nation is watching, and we could really use some good news.

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

Sources: http://www.attn.com/stories/9981/california-to-start-teaching-lgbt-rights-movement-in-public-schools

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-lgbt-curriculum-california-20160714-snap-story.html

July 2016

Like every other LGBTQ columnist out there, I’m writing about Orlando this month. If it’s too much, I get it. I do. Skip this one, and I’ll see you again in August. I love you.

For those of you still with me – I love you. 

Somehow, I think that’s important to say to each other right now.

49 of our brothers, sisters, and siblings were killed last month because someone hated us. We need to speak of love.

Yes, anger. Yes, pain. Yes, action. I will not tell you to turn the other cheek or let it roll of your back or any of those things.

But also, love.

Because there are three communities that have been torn apart by one man’s hate:
1. The LGBTQ community
2. The Latinx community
3. The Muslim community

Breaking it down – 
1. The LGBTQ community. Obviously. We were targeted. We were hunted. We were slaughtered. It wasn’t a terror attack on a mall or sporting event where LGBTQ peoples could have been among the victims. This was a terror attack against us.
2. The Latinx community. Along those same lines, the killer researched the nightclub, its calendar, the crowd. He chose Latin night. Yes, we white members of the LGBTQ community deserve to fell attacked and threatened. It wasn’t just a racist act. There were plenty of straight Latin clubs he could’ve targeted but didn’t. But nor can we erase the fact that it was also a racist act, perpetrated against a very specific people.
3. The Muslim community. I don’t know how many times it has to be said before the media and political pundits start repeating it, but Islam is a peaceful religion. It’s been co-opted by some hateful, hate-filled extremists, but Islam itself is neither. Yet part of the reason the media and the political pundits were so fast to declare it domestic terrorism was because the killer fit the convenient, saleable profile of a terrorist. And no, I don’t believe he did it for ISIS, in spite of his claims. I believe he, too, knew that radicalized Islam would lend a sick legitimacy to his actions so he didn’t have to admit just how much he hated us.

Which brings us back to hate. Because he did hate. 

He didn’t know the 49. He didn’t care to know the 49. He only knew hate.

So…I love you. I love you for exactly who you are. I’m not saying that should make everything better. In fact, I doubt it will make anything better. I still love you.

Because it’s all I have. Because love beats hate. Because if one man’s hate can do this much damage, maybe one person’s love can help, even a little bit.

So – I love you.

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

June 1, 2016

The day I wrote this article, the United States House of Representatives voted down a bill that would have protected LGBTQ rights. The bill, which was actually expected to pass, would’ve made it illegal for federal contractors to fire employees based on orientation.

It missed by one vote, failing 212 to 213.

This article almost didn’t get written. I almost emailed Betty and said “I have nothing for you this month.” Because I was almost beaten. The hate that is being spewed – not only without fear of repercussion but with authority and legitimacy – very nearly got to me this month.

I texted my sister because I had nothing. It’s not that I didn’t have an idea. Writer’s block sucks but it’s part of being a professional writer. You learn to just start putting words on the page and next thing you know, you’ve got an article, or an essay, or a chapter, or whatever. The day I wrote this, my nothing was more than that.

I couldn’t bring myself to write an events article. Not with all the government sanctioned hate happening to us right now. But I couldn’t bring myself to write another article about the hate. Not this month. I had … nothing.

And then my sister texted me back. My niece, her daughter, is in the 5th grade. Goes to public school. In the interest of full disclosure, she goes to public school in one of the most liberal, tipped all the way over to the left, artsy, earthy crunchy towns in the entire country. She still goes to public school. Here in the United States.

Two of her friends, her schoolmates, are transgender girls. Openly, happily, supported by parents and community alike. In 4th and 5th grade.

My friends, Darin and David, have become foster parents in order to begin the process of adoption. They’re in Oregon.

My friends, Christine and Teresa, just up and got married at the spur of the moment last month. They’re in Connecticut.

And another friend (who shall also remain unidentified, because he’s a minor) has come out to his friends, his school, and his mom as definitely gay, possibly transgender, and certainly bigender. He’s in Maryland (and still requests male pronouns, just to be clear).

Five instances of love don’t even count as a drop given the tsunami of hatred that’s rushing toward us right now – and yet they MUST matter. They DO matter.

Because it is different. And I have to believe that we will push back against the hate. 

Now is not an easy time. I’m deeply afraid it will get worse before it gets better. And – it is different. So I hold onto that. Because that’s something.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

May 1, 2016

There’s a sense growing in the United States that scares me, Poppets. There’s a sense that Ted Cruz is a viable, saner, more palatable alternative to Donald Trump. Oh, Poppets, this is a road we must not go down.

Now, I realize that I am probably not talking to that many Republican voters right now. That most of you are staunchly entrenched in the Hillary or Bernie camps. What scares me, though, are those of you who might be so firmly entrenched in their respective candidate’s camp that you’re also in the PUMA (Party Unity My Ass) camp.

Don’t get me wrong – I understand it. We have had candidates shoved down our throats. We have voted for the lesser of two evils. We have been stuck with nominees who considered us afterthoughts, at best, and second-class citizens, at worst (and that’s within the Democratic party!). If your candidate doesn’t become the nominee, I really do understand how easy it would be to not vote for the other in November. Or to vote for a third, independent candidate.

But here’s the truth – that is voting for the Republican candidate. Silence, in whatever form it takes, always empowers the oppressor. You can argue all you want, but the fact remains that not voting, or throwing away your vote simply to be able to stand there and say “oh, but I did vote!” is voting for the other side.

Which brings me back to the opening paragraph – people are starting to see Ted Cruz as a viable, saner alternative to Donald Trump. And it’s making people believe that, so long as Donald Trump isn’t nominated in November, it’s okay to be in the PUMA party. It’s okay to not vote for Hillary or Bernie, because hey, Ted Cruz may win, but it’s not Trump, so it’s okay!

No. No, it’s not.

Do not fall into this trap, Poppets. Cruz is calmer. He is more likeable. He’s friendlier – but do not mistake that for being nicer. Or kinder. Or saner.

He wants to patrol Muslim neighborhoods. (http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/22/politics/ted-cruz-muslim-neighborhoods/)

He wants to keep Christianity and the 10 Commandments in the “public sphere”, completely disregarding the separation of church and state and the, you know, millions of nonChristians who live here. (http://www.ontheissues.org/Ted_Cruz.htm)

He wants to outlaw a woman’s right to choose what she can do with her own body. (http://www.ontheissues.org/Ted_Cruz.htm)

And he considers our very existence a “moral decay” and a “crisis.” (http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2016/01/27/3743336/cruz-gay-marriage-iowa/)

Go ahead. Disagree with Hillary or Bernie. Argue, debate, fight, protest, volunteer. For God’s sake VOTE. But come November, put it aside. Even if your candidate didn’t win the nomination. Because Ted Cruz is not a saner alternative to Donald Trump. Just a quieter one.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

April 1, 2016

This article’s going to be short, Poppets, because sometimes it doesn’t take many words to say what I want to say.

April 25th is the last day you can register to vote or update your voter registration status online. In other words, if you want to be able to vote in the Presidential primary next month, it helps to be on top of it this month. 

May 16th is the last day to register IN PERSON to vote in the Presidential primary. But you have to be able to get to the County Auditor’s Office. In Bellingham, that’s at 311 Grand Avenue, suite 103.

All voters are encouraged to register early in order to prevent delays, glitches, or other issues.

And do not for a moment, Poppets, believe that the nominees are inevitable, have already been decided. THEY HAVEN’T. I know it doesn’t feel like your vote counts, but it’s important to vote anyway.

Think of it this way – if everyone who didn’t vote because their vote “didn’t matter” it would be enough people to change the outcome. Don’t be one of those people.

Don’t like any of the candidates? I feel your pain. Vote anyway. Vote against a candidate instead of voting for one. There are candidates running this year who hate us. They aren’t afraid. It’s not a difference of opinion. They hate us. Vote against them, or you are voting for them. Doing nothing favors the other side. It just does.

The names on the ballot come November matter. They matter deeply. Take a stand. Have a voice. Participate. Changes always start small, with one person. November isn’t that far away. You could even say it starts this month. So you start this month, too.

Start this month. This election. This vote. It matters because you matter. Because we matter.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

March 1, 2016

It’s March, Poppets. We’ve almost made it through winter. The cold, the rain, the dark…it’s almost behind us for another year.

Here’s more good news, just about the time you’re thinking it might be nice to get out, shake off the winter blahs and go do something, there are things to do!

If you’re really looking to get out of town for a bit – and we all know a little travel is good for the soul, especially after a long period of hibernation – Dine Around Seattle runs Sundays through Thursdays, this month from March 6th through the 31st.  Participating restaurants are offering three-course meals for $33. Some are even offering $18 lunches! For more information and a list of participants, go to www.dinearoundseattle.org or call 206.629.2346 x 4.

Closer to home, the First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) hosts a community meal that’s open to the public, free of charge, one Sunday a month. This month, it’s the 13th. In April, it’s the 10th. Lunch is from 2:00 to 3:30 both days. If you’re interested in volunteering to help set up, clean up, or just be an official pair of hands, give them a call at (360) 734-6820. And don’t be worried about being judged at a Christian church. First Christian is open and affirming, which means they actively welcome and provide safe space for us.

March 19th brings the Farmers’ Market. Hopefully, you’re already familiar with it, but just in case you’re not – 10:00 am to 3:00 pm at the Depot Market Square. And by April, they’re back to their regular schedule instead of their winter one. Told you we were almost through it!

Also, on the 19th, Whatcom Community College is offering a course on Energy Medicine for You and Your Health. It’s been a long winter. We’re moving into what is guaranteed to be a contentious and truly vicious presidential campaign. Learn some ways to take care of and protect yourself, spiritually and emotionally. The cost is $35 and you should preregister. Call (360) 383-3200 or go to www.whatcom.ctc.edu to learn more.

Need some good old fashioned, family-friendly fun? Try the Purim Carnival hosted by Congregation Beth Israel. It’s Sunday, March 20th, starting at 11:30 am, in Donovan Park. Call (360) 733-8890 for more details.

And finally, April 1st starts the Skagit County Tulip Festival and all the many events that happen down there this time of year. You can find them on Facebook for up to the minute information and schedules.

Spring is on its way, Poppets. Let’s get out and enjoy it!

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

February 1, 2016

It’s award season, Poppets, and for many of us that’s a fabulous time. The glitz and glitter. The clothes. The gorgeous people out looking their most dashing and beautiful. What’s not to love?

Except…

Except that the Academy Awards nominations are entirely white throughout every single major category this year. Think about that: every nominee, of every gender, in every major category is one race – white.

But guess what? The host is black! So it’s okay, right? In other words, the man providing the entertainment is allowed to be a man of color, just not the award winners. Sounds remarkably like the minstrel shows, of you think about it. 

And let’s get this out of the way, too – I have NO quarrel with Chris Rock. First, he took the gig long before the nominations were announced and second, the man is allowed to cash his paycheck. If he’s comfortable taking the money, I am not about to tell him he’s out of place.

However, white people being amused and entertained by a black man – while honoring themselves and no one else? That I have a problem with.

And, honestly, you should, too. First, because the LGBTQ community includes people of color. When people of color are left out of anything, it means some of our own are being excluded. Then, because there is overlap here, even for those of us who are not people of color. Because white, cis, straight must not be the only things of value in our society. Yet we are told over and over and over again that they are. That white, straight, and cis are all that matter.

Even the times our stories are being told by Hollywood, they are being told too often by white, straight, and cis people. The Dallas Buyers Club and Jared Leto. Transparent and Jeffery Tambor. About Ray and Elle Fanning. The Danish Girl and Eddie Redmayne. And don’t get me started on what happened with Stonewall. 

Yes, these are brilliant performances by brilliant actors (with the notable exception of Stonewall, which was pretty bad all the way around). They are still white, straight, cis actors telling these stories – because, as we keep seeing, white, straight and cis is what’s considered valuable.

I’ve also heard the argument that there aren’t enough transgender actors who are talented enough to play the roles. While I have no definitive proof that this isn’t true, I still call bullshit. You know why? Because it’s the exact same argument that gets used to justify why there are so few people of color in any role of responsibility, from acting to Wall Street. It’s the same argument that gets used when yet another man gets a promotion or a six-figure job and a woman doesn’t. “We hired the best person. We would have loved to have hired someone not this white, straight, cis, man but no one else was as good.” Really? No, not really.

News flash – if casting directors only look for established, well-known transgender actors, they aren’t going to find many. We haven’t given them enough roles to become established and well-known. God love Laverne Cox, she can’t play every role out there.

We have slammed too many doors in too many faces to expect to be able to reopen them now and have the people we want standing there, waiting. Plus, let’s be honest – movie makers don’t actually want transgender actors (or actors of color, or openly gay, lesbian, or bi actors) in those roles. Because if the people in charge truly wanted those actors, they would find them.

In 2014, there was a delightful movie called Boy Meets Girl. Its budget was a pittance. And they found a charming, talented, charismatic, transgender young actress to play the role of a charming, talented, charismatic, transgender young woman. Trust and believe, if the producers of Boy Meets Girl can find Michelle Hendley, so can major players in Hollywood.

It’s also too close to the argument that’s being used to justify all the Oscar nominations being white this year. “Oh, it was such a strong field… We would have loved to have nomination actors of color, but…” I’m sorry, but Idris Elba, Benicio Del Toro, and Samuel L Jackson all had movies out this year. It doesn’t matter what the role is, those men deliver, at the very least, Oscar-nomination worthy performances.

Which brings us back to where we started and #Oscarssowhite – and why we should care.
It’s the 21st century. White, straight, and cis shouldn’t be the only ones who get to do the talking, or who get the honors.

Watch the Oscars, or don’t. Pay attention to the fashion, or don’t. I’m not calling for a boycott, or anything like that. Just don’t be oblivious, and don’t think that’s it’s not your issue. Because it is. It’s an issue – a problem – that belongs to all of us.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

January 1, 2016

Poppets, I cannot tell you how many drafts of this month’s article I have written, edited, deleted, and started fresh.

Part of it, no doubt, is because I’ve been writing this column for a while and, eventually, the ideas dry up a bit.

But part of it is I’m conflicted this year. I want to write about resolving to find love and peace in the face of hatred and chaos. I want to encourage you and myself to rise above. To answer with love. To embrace when possible and disengage when it’s not.

On the other hand…I want to write about resolving to stand fast. To fight back. To answer every microaggression with power. To refuse to be silenced or cowed, even to ensure a peaceful moment or two.

To write about letting people make their own choices, go their own way, and allowing grown-ups to fuck up and fail if that’s what it means. All while writing about how we must look out for each other, and guide, advise, and support because we are all put on this earth to take care of each other.

And so I have started each of those articles – and a couple others, to be completely honest with you – and still haven’t settled on my path.

For me, in 2016, I think I will resolve to find the balance between those two seemingly disparate concepts: love and fighting. 

• I will not stand for being attacked – but I will make sure I am being attacked before I strike back.
• I will be willing to forgive a misspeak or misstep based in true ignorance – but I will not let ignorance be an excuse for cruelty.
• I will embrace teaching moments – but I will not allow the conversation to be derailed onto how I need to explain myself.
• I will not be man-splained, straight-splained, thin-splained, or Christian-splained – but I will be willing to have conversation where my partners get to do more than just listen to my experience, even if it’s not theirs.

As a Wiccan witch and a Libra, I believe everything is interconnected and I strive for balance. These resolutions reflect that.

In the past, I have been vehement about not making resolutions based on the turning of the page of a calendar. This year is different, though. This year, I need to make these resolutions. I need to know what my path will be before the vitriol that is building comes in full force.

So, Poppets, I encourage you to find your path, as well. Identify what’s important to you before you need it.

Be safe this year. Be well. And fight or love, as suits your needs.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.