December 2010

Happy Holidays, Poppets! You know what this means, don’t you? Of course you do. It’s time for my annual column on giving. Honestly, I can’t believe it’s already time to be writing this again. It seems like only yesterday that I was writing 2009’s article. Last year so many people were in hard times that I wrote about critical mass. Guess what? For as much as things have changed over the last twelve months, not much has changed over the last twelve months. At least, not as much as most of us would like. So maybe we should talk about critical mass, again. As usual, if you aren’t giving this year, or can’t give this year, that’s okay. But if you are or want to but don’t know how, here are a few thoughts…

1. Pick an organization or cause you care about and pledge to give them…however much you can every single month of the year. Choose one of the suicide prevention organizations I wrote about last month. Or a shelter you know about. Or the ASPCA. Whatever cause touches your heart. It can be five dollars. Seriously. It can be ten dollars. The individual amounts don’t matter as much as the twelve payments. Remember, we’re looking at critical mass, here.
2. Get in touch with your best friend, your colleagues, your condo association, whomever, and all “adopt a family” together. Or a single child off of the mall’s Angel Tree. Or a senior. The point isn’t to give the most presents or even to give to the most number of kids. The point is to make your money - and your best friend’s, your colleagues’ or your condo association’s money - go the farthest.
3. Get those same people together and everybody pitch in for a single toy. Schools, Toys for Tots, hospitals, human services organizations…again, take your pick and give them one present from all of you. There is no such thing as too small a donation.
4. Every time you go to the grocery store between now and December 23rd, buy one unit of whatever nonperishable food is on sale. Or whatever toiletry is on sale. One. As you leave the store, drop it in the collection barrel that you know every single grocery in the area is going to have up.
5. Think socks. Or underwear. Or mittens. Are they glamorous and exciting? Aw hell no. But you can get them at the Dollar Store and at discount stores and on sale for very little money. And when it’s winter and someone is cold, I promise, they will be prefer to have several pairs of socks over an iPod.
6. Still too much this year? Believe me, I get it; I’ve been there. Look at your own closet. Anything still in reasonable condition that you don’t wear any longer? Coats, sweaters, hats, scarves – all good options, so long as they are gently worn. Even backpacks and purses. Shelters will find use for them.

And maybe, there’s just nothing. There is nothing extra to spend, nothing extra to give. None of us want to be there and yet, it’s the way of the world sometimes. There’s still something. As you walk by someone on the street, holding up their sign, look them in the eye. Acknowledge they are a human being. Tell them you wish you had something for them and that you’re sorry you don’t. Treat them as the equal they are. Show them some respect. It’s so little, it costs us nothing, and yet it can mean so very much. And really, isn’t that what this time of year is supposed to be about?

Whatever you celebrate, Poppets, celebrate it well. Celebrate it joyfully and with thanks. Have a happy holiday, a raucous New Year, and, until next month, take care of you – and each other.

November 1, 2010

It’s November and Thanksgiving again, Poppets. The article in my head was about all the things for which to be thankful and then segue into the pain the families of the teens who have recently committed suicide and how they must be struggling to find a reason to be thankful this season. That would then lead into telling you about the suicide prevention sites that have either sprung up or gained more exposure as a result and urge you to support them, as a way of supporting our teens, so that no family ever has to struggle to find reasons to be thankful at Thanksgiving.

It was great in my head.

It sucked as I tried to write it.

Seriously. What sounded eloquent in my head is coming off as trite, patronizing, and condescending as I tried to get it on paper. You deserve better than that. These families deserve better than that. Those kids sure as hell deserve better than that. Because one more empty article written for the sake of pulling on heartstrings is the last thing that needs to be written right now. But these programs, these are real, these are anything but empty. So check these out; find the one you can support; and find a way to support it.

The newest and, honestly my favorite, is called the We Got Your Back Project. Love this project. Their mission spells out a commitment to inclusivity that many other projects may claim to have, but miss in subtle – or often glaring – ways. They acknowledge that the LGBT community actually, you know, includes Bs and Ts and not everyone is white and middle class. Daring, I know. They are new, so still just getting started. Still, the potential here is endless.

Possibly the best known program is The Matthew Shepard Foundation, created by the parents of Matthew Shepard following his murder in a hate crime driven by his orientation. Their online community and resource center is Matthew’s Place. It gives teens a place to gather, talk, meet…from wherever they are.

The Trevor Project offers videos, articles and information for teens struggling with coming out or being out. They also offer a 24-hour/7-day a week telephone hotline (866-488-7386) for suicidal teens. They have trevorspace.org, as well, which is a social networking site for young people ages 13-24.

All three of these sites offer suggestions for straight allies, as well. They also give suggestions on what to do if a suicidal teen comes to you for help. Vital reading for all of us.

Finally, there is the It Gets Better Project. A You Tube page devoted to videos from older members of the LGBT community. The ones who remember what it was like to be a Queer child and teen. Videos that speak directly to today’s teens, assuring them that It Gets Better.

If you know of another resource for LGBT or questioning teens, please drop me a line at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com. I’ll do my best to get the word out. If you know of a teenager who is hurting, reach out to them. We never know where the nugget of hope that keeps a kid alive is going to come from. If you are a teen who is hurting, check these out. Talk to an adult you trust. Call on your local resource center. Or write me. Seriously. That’s my address, up there.

It’s Thanksgiving time. I promise you, there’s reason to be thankful.

Until next month, Poppets, give thanks for what makes you happy, and take care of you.

October 2010

It’s October, Poppets, my favorite month of the year. Autumn arrives in earnest; leaves crisp up; the snap in the air is perfect for sweaters and snuggling. All this and so much more – including and especially, Halloween. And here’s a secret, just between us, when it comes to Halloween, I really miss living in Northern Washington. There are just so many great events that night. Hell, when Halloween falls on a weekend, as it does this year, there are three nights of amazing events. Who wouldn’t want to be there? Since I can’t be, though, here’s where you can find some of the best parties in my stead. Just remember to lift a glass to me. (Note: these are alphabetized by venue; their placement on the list means nothing.)

* Club Vogue at 1509 Broadway, Seattle. Saturday, October 30th, from 9:00 p.m. until 3:00 a.m. Check out the All Hallow’s Eve party. There’s no official theme, so come dressed as you will. At midnight is a fashion show, so fabulousness encouraged. Of course, fabulousness is always encouraged because, well, it’s us. Use the front entrance of the club.
* Purr Lounge at 1518 11th Avenue, Seattle. Sunday, October 31st, from 7:00 p.m. until 2:00 a.m. The Sisters of the Mother House of Washington are hosting Nuns Go Bump in the Night II. Aside from being great fun, it’s also a breast cancer fundraiser, with a suggested $5.00 donation at the door. Halloween, nuns, and helping a good cause. If it gets better, I don’t know how.
* Rendezvous Jewelbox Theatre at 2322 2nd Avenue, Seattle. Saturday, October 30th at 7:00 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. The Urban Bombshell Burlesque Show brings a Halloween cabaret. May I repeat that? A Halloween cabaret. See why I miss the area? Tickets are $10.00.
* Showbox at the Market at 1426 1st Avenue, Seattle. Friday, October 29th, at 9:00 p.m. until 2:00 a.m. Bump Fire + Ice equals a light show, DJs, and a costume contest with a $1000.00 prize. Plus, it, too, is a fundraiser, supporting Gay City, the Seattle Women’s Chorus, and the Seattle Men’s Chorus. Ticket packages are available, starting at $35.00 for a single in advance/$45.00 at the door. But see www.gaycity.org for all the group and VIP options. And remember, there’s the official after-party, Grind, too!
* Triple Door (mainstage) at 216 Union Street, Seattle, brings back the Can Can Halloween Spectacular for the fifth year. Oooo, Poppets. Six shows over three nights. I would be at least one of these. Maybe two. Each night, the 29th, 30th, and 31st, has an all-ages show at 7:00 p.m. and a 21+ show at 10:00 p.m. Tickets are $20.00 in advance/$25.00 at the door.

Five choices for one particularly eerie and wonderful evening. Splurge and overlap some. Or make it a whole weekend. You know you’re worth it, your friends are worth it, and dressing up to match our wildest imaginations is certainly worth it.

Finally, before we go, Poppets, it is October and I am me, which means I need to remind you that it’s Domestic Violence Awareness month. If you or someone you love needs support or help, there are people who will listen, who can help, who understand that domestic violence isn’t just a heterosexual, straight problem. The Northwest Network in Seattle can be reached Monday through Friday at 206/568-7777. Skagit Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services can be reached 24-hours a day, 7 days a week, at 888/336-9591.
Have fun, be safe, and until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

September 2010

Can you handle one more month of political stuff, Poppets? I knew you could. Recently, a friend of mine had to call out a woman who claimed to be an ally of the LGBT community. It didn’t go well. The ally got defensive, started deflecting, and ended up losing all credibility as supporter of the community.

It got me thinking, though – what is the difference between an actual ally and someone who has taken a diversity training or has a lesbian co-worker? Is it that they never screw up? God help us if that’s the case. No, I think it’s more about how a person responds when they do screw up. So, without further ado, I present you Bridget’s Guide to Screwing Up With Style:

* There is no such thing as a perfect ally. This is a tough one for those of us who really do care to learn. It is, however, true. You will screw up. Accept it. Learn it. Live it.
* People in the LGBT community will be understanding of the (very) occasional screw up. Where the trouble will come is if you try to justify the screw up. When you try to make the screw up about them. When you get defensive over being called out for the screw up. Odds are good that you didn’t set out to be offensive, duh. Explaining that fact doesn’t win you too many points, because, well, duh. Getting defensive when your intention doesn’t give you a pass on your impact loses you points. Fast.
* If someone calls you out on being offensive, it means you were offensive. This isn’t rocket science. You have screwed up. Apologize. Shut up. Listen. Learn. And remember, listening isn’t the same as staying quiet, waiting until the other person stops talking.
* Your one gay friend or your lesbian college roommate doesn’t speak for everyone. Just because he doesn’t mind if you use that phrase or she found it funny when you did that impersonation, doesn’t mean you aren’t currently being offensive. Don’t use them to defend your current situation.
* Online icons, club memberships, Pride attendance, etc. only go so far. These don’t make you bullet-proof. Hell, even reading (or writing for) The Betty Pages doesn’t make you immune to screwing up. Don’t hold any of these up as ways to deflect from the fact that you have just made a mistake.

And there you go. Mostly, it boils down to own your shit, rather than trying to pass it off. Remember, if someone is calling you out, you have hurt their feelings or made them angry. If you meant to do so or not, this should matter to you. Other people’s feelings should matter to you – especially if you are holding yourself up as someone who cares about their feelings.

There’s more than just these five, of course, but start here. Keep listening. Keep learning. And until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

August 1, 2010

Three years, Poppets. As of last month, I have written for The Betty Pages for three years. It can’t possibly have been three years. And yet, it has been. In light of this, I decided I would re-introduce myself. After all, we have new readers who weren’t around three years ago when I first did so, and it would be easy to ask why this straight, cis-gendered woman writes this column every month. Why this straight, cis-gendered woman refers to “us” and “we” and “our” when talking about the LGBT community. Sure, if you’ve read me frequently or met me around town or asked Betty or Brian, you could get an answer. But what if you haven’t? Who the hell am I to be writing here, using the words I use? You deserve an answer.

What is/was interesting is that once I decided to write this article this month, once I started thinking about explaining myself to you, I started to get scared. This is a scary issue to address. People are wary. Legitimately concerned of being led into a trap. People are suspicious. With straight, cis-gendered privilege comes the ability to walk away if it gets too hard. Comes the straightsplaining. Comes the straight guilt. Because, let's be honest, the Special White Woman is just as insulting and degrading as the raging bigot, and worse because she tries to lull you into a false sense of security. You know it. I know it. And here I am, trying to find the words to explain why a straight, cis-gendered woman writes about “our community.”

And there’s the rub. The rub is, for me anyway, the words. Yes, words have specific definitions and that’s all fine and good. But words also have emotional meanings for us. I know people who cringe at the word “activist.” Yet, I also know people who relax once they hear it. Some people don’t want to hear an explanation at all. You either live it or you don’t and your words don’t matter. Other people need the words before they can trust the actions. As a writer, I am well aware of the importance of a properly turned phrase, and the dangers of a poorly turned one. So how do I find the way to explain to you who I am? To re-introduce myself to you? Say too much, and I sound like the Special White Woman. Say too little, and we go back to the who the hell am I, anyway, question. It’s a dilemma. It’s scary. It’s worth a shot.

The fast answer to why I consider myself a part of this community is that my husband, David, is gay. No, he’s not bi; he’s gay. He lived closeted for years, before finally coming out to himself and a handful of close, trusted friends. Neither one of us expected to fall in love. He was terrified of making another mistake that would send him back into the closet, and probably divorce court. I wasn’t the least bit interested in being a beard or a cover of some sort. We fell in love anyway. He’s not back in the closet and I’m not a beard. We are lucky enough to have been able to fall in love with people instead of just genders. As his spouse, his issues are mine. From the ones any couple faces like finances and employment and an aging father and a rebellious teenage son to ones that are more unique to our community like decisions about coming out and a legal system that doesn’t recognize him as truly equal to straight, cis-gendered men. These are my issues, every single day. Anyone who would try to tell you otherwise has never been in love.

Another fast answer is that human sexuality, orientation and identity is so vast a spectrum, it’s difficult for me to place myself on one fixed spot on it. Am I straight? In that I am not sexually attracted to other women, yes. Am I cis-gendered? In that I do not need to give up my female-ness to be in a male body, yes. But I do not believe, since we are being honest among ourselves, that our answers - our sexuality, orientation and identity - are that cut and dried. Western society in general, and American society specifically, is distressingly closed-minded about these issues. Americans like to pretend that because we acknowledge LGBT options, we’re being inclusive. But the spectrum is greater than the five points that make up Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, and Straight. And it’s certainly about more than who we want to fuck or who we want to be when we fuck them. Straight and cis-gendered define me because I have no other options, because once again, I am trapped by my words.

Since there are fast answers, it follows logically that there is a not-so fast answer. That there is, perhaps, a downright convoluted one. Never let it be said I am not logical. I consider the LGBT community “my” community because it is the only community I have ever known. Bear with me if you will…I walked into my first drag club when I was twelve. It was New York City and my friend knew the stage manager of the show. I’ve often wondered how they got away with having me there, in what was in essence, a bar. But it was the early-80s and it was NYC and maybe all that played into my favor. The point is I was there. And for the first time in my young life, who I was was…fine. From the bar backs to the stage crew to the performers, I was accepted. Looking back on it now, I have no doubt they were highly amused by the short, round little girl from the small Southern town trying so hard to be city cool – but they didn’t show it. They didn’t treat me like a problem to be solved or an outcast to be pitied the way most other adults in my world did.

From there on out, straight, mainstream culture never resonated with me. Whenever I would move, which was often, it was within the local LGBT community that I found friends, love, acceptance, and family. It was here, in these clubs, community centers, theatres, bookshops, reading groups, and cafes, where I was welcomed as exactly who I was, instead of being expected to change if I wanted to be allowed in. I was never treated as an outsider. Hell, I was never even treated as just an ally. I have been wrapped up, given cookies, and brought into the fold. This is my community, our community, because I have been assured it can be.
This community is my home, my family. Like all families, we can laugh and joke – and make each other crazy. But we do so with the knowledge of shared experiences and respect, love and yes, constancy. And that’s why I write for The Betty Pages.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

July 1, 2010

Recently, Poppets, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about privilege. See, in many ways, I carry a lot of it. I am white; I’m straight; I’m cis-gendered. All of these give me privilege here in the US. Now, because I am aware of my privilege, I try very hard to check it at the door, so to speak, and not abuse it, consciously or unconsciously. This is not to say I’m perfect, but I do try.

So what has me thinking about privilege recently? Because I have also, recently, been living without it, in many ways. For several months, I lived with someone who could’ve asked me to leave at anytime – and I would’ve had to leave. Currently, I get to be where I am “as long as no one complains.” So while the living arrangements are indescribably better, they are still dependant upon others’ approval and acceptance. Let me tell you – the threat of homelessness will change what you do and say mighty quick.

I’ve also been, in case you haven’t put this one together, broke, broke, broke for a few months. Did I mention broke? All my morals and values around shopping locally, not giving my money to certain conglomerates, voting with my wallet as well as my ballot – Gone. Apparently, the ability to do that comes with economic privilege. Who knew? On the one side of the line, even if money is a little tight, it’s important enough that one can easily say well, the prices aren’t that much more here than there and I support the politics here so…and pay the extra dollar or two. But there’s a difference between having enough money or even money being a little tight and being broke, broke, broke. When you are broke, you are on the other side of that line. Having now spent some time there, I have come to realize how lucky, how privileged, I have always been to be able to take that stance, to have economic values.

We as a community are facing a shift in privilege, as well. Quite frankly, if we’re not careful, I believe it could be as divisive as anything else we’ve faced. On one line is the privilege of being safely out. On the other is the knowledge that “safe” and “out” are mutually exclusive.

For members of the community who are safely out, or who are straight allies like me, it’s easy to judge people who remain closeted. I know I have, in the past, been too blasé about encouraging people to come out, without taking their situations into account. After all, it’s a different time now, and it was easy to assume my experience with and knowledge of acceptance would be universal. We have leaders, bloggers, journalists, and activists who feel it is not only acceptable but it is a responsibility to out the closeted. Now, I’m not talking about hypocrites who work to legislate and continue to oppress LGBT people while living secret lives. Suddenly, everyone should be outted, regardless. And this, Poppets, is about privilege. The privilege of the safely out.

Should we live in a world where everyone can come out and be out safely? Absolutely! Must we keep working toward that end? Umm…duh. But we’re not there yet and outing people, regardless of their situation, doesn’t get us there. As much as we’d like it to be otherwise, there are people who are not and can not be out safely. They know their situations better than we do. The safely outted and the straight allies have privilege not everyone has yet. We need to remember that, over here on our side of the line, and yes, check it at the door.

Until next month, Poppets, remember I can be reached at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com … and take care of you.

June 1. 2010

It’s June, Poppets, and June means Pride. And what a Pride it could be. We have an openly transgendered woman on the presidential cabinet; the military is taking steps to end DADT; and the president has changed the laws regarding hospital visits and medical decisions. We have so many reasons to celebrate this year!

In the past, I have been supportive of Pride in all its forms. Noisy political rally? Go for it. Dancing in the streets? Sign me up. Sexy, colorful costumes with more feathers than material? Oh yeah baby. Even an exchange of shouted insults swapped with teabaggers has been cool with me.

This year, though, I have a different idea. This year, let’s put away our signs and our feathers. Let’s save our sexy costumes and snarky comments about the extreme right for our private after parties. In other words, let’s show the world who we are, not just who they think we are. Who they are afraid we are. Because you and I both know what they are afraid of.

They are afraid of what they think they know. That we are overly sexual, flamboyant people. That we are angry, belligerent people. And those might indeed be part of who we are. They are hardly everything we are, despite what our opponents “know.”

During the one month the world is really watching us, let’s show them the part of us they don’t know. The part no one can possibly be afraid of. Let’s turn out dressed well, not just street legal. Let’s be well-spoken and articulate, not just loud. Let’s hold hands with and kiss the people we love, not just grope the people we lust.

This is our time. We are closer than we have ever been. But the sad truth is we are not there yet. People still hate what they think they know about us. This year, let’s give them a chance to know us. Let’s show them not only that we are Proud, but why we are Proud.

Until next month, Poppets, enjoy Pride and take care of you.

May 1, 2010

Greetings, Poppets, from Alaska – where it's wild...where it's peaceful...where it's snowing. Yep. Snowing. At least it makes for good, albeit wistful, dreaming weather. And what am I dreaming about? Spring. Sunny days, warm breezes, green grass...The good news is that you get the benefit of my dreaming about what's happening in warmer climes.

Let's be honest, May is a gorgeous time to be in Washington. Plus, the festivals and fairs begin to help show off the state. Seattle offers something for everyone, all month long.

Feel a strong connection to the sea (or the men who sail it)? Be sure to head to the Seattle Maritime Festival May 6-8. It's at Pier 66/Bell Harbor Marina. Admission is free – and you know how much I like free.

Mother's Day is in May, but if your mom is anything like the moms I know, another brunch and heart-shaped necklace will only go over so well. Consider taking her – or your dad, or your best friend – down to Pike Place Market for the Flower Festival instead. May 8 and 9 the streets are brimming with flowers and bouquets. Enjoy just looking at the riot of color or splurge and buy. It's too beautiful to miss, either way.

If you have kids in your life, or still consider yourself a kid, then the Seattle International Children's Festival is for you. It comes to town May 11-15. And don't deny yourself this one; it really is a treat for all of us. Borrow a kid and go.

Don't forget the perennial favorite, the University District street fair. Yes, it's been around forever, but there's a reason for that: it's wonderful. Wander through on the 15th and 16th of the month.

Also on the 15th and 16th, since you're going to be in town anyway, don't forget my favorite of all – the Seattle Cheese Festival. An entire festival devoted to cheese. At Pike Place Market. In May. Does it get better than that? Nope, I don't think so, either. Everything you ever wanted to know about cheese and more. While you're there, have a nibble for me, please.

If movies are more your style, you're in luck. The Seattle International Film Festival (SIFF) is in town. The launch party is May 20th and films continue through June 13th. Featuring over 400 films from 60 countries, it claims to be the largest film festival in the country. And it's right in your backyard.

Speaking of movies and film festivals, head to Three Dollar Bill's Cinema (1122 E. Pike Street, #1313, Seattle, 206-323-4274) for the Seattle Transgender Film Festival, May 13-16. It may not be as big or as well-known as the SIFF. As one of the only transgender film festivals in the world, it's just as important.

Are you ready to move out of the audience and onto the stage? That's an option, too! RPlace (619 E. Pine Street, Seattle, 206-322-8828) is holding Pride Idol 2010. The competitions are held several nights during the month of May. Winners get cash, prizes, and a chance to ride in the Pride Parade. More information and full details can be found at www.idol.seattlepride.org.

It's May, Poppets. The weather's drying out, the sun is shining and the flowers are in bloom – at least in my imagination. Shake off the rain and snow of winter, get out, and enjoy a little Spring for me. And until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

April 1, 2010 (post 2)

It was another 2 post month this month, Blog Readers. Here's the second. The first can be found directly beneath. Take care of you.


Hi Poppets! Can I check in on something with you, please? It’s something I’ve been aware of for years now but has been back up in my face the last month. Why, when we talk about the LGBT community, do we not actually mean the LGBT community? Because we don’t.

My friend, Helen, is bisexual. She has had four long-term, committed, bring-your-partner-home-to-meet-the-family relationships. Two have been with men. Two have been with women. And yes, the last one she had was with a man, whom she married and is still quite happily married to today. She is also still bisexual. He knows it. She certainly knows it. They have an open relationship because, while he is the man she wants to be married to, she is still bisexual, and there are needs he just can’t meet. Mostly, though, their relationship is open in theory alone. Why? Because the attitude is that she is betraying the community by being married to a man; she is, literally, sleeping with the enemy.

My husband, David, still self-identifies as gay. I am the person he loves and I happen to be female. That doesn’t mean he isn’t more attracted to men than he is to women. It means he happened to fall in love with a person, rather than just a gender. However, many of his gay friends have ostracized him, accused him of just “slumming” when he was hanging out with them. I would willingly accept that they just don’t like me – except that the ones who have accused him of the betrayal haven’t and won’t even meet me.

Another friend, Lilo, is bisexual and married, courtesy of Canada, to a woman. Yet she still has to listen to her wife’s friends warn her wife that Lilo will leave her for a man, for the ease of heterosexual life. And not in a joking, fun-loving sort of way, either. They are bitter, spiteful warnings, implicit with, should Lilo leave one day, her wife will only have gotten what she deserved for getting involved with “one of them” anyway.

Excuse me, but what the hell? This makes no sense, Poppets. If what we fight for, what we rally for, is the right to be accepted for who we are and love who we love, why are we not willing to give that same respect to others? Others who we claim to include? Helen still can’t talk openly about going out on a date with a woman because she risks her job if she does (and not because of an adultery clause). David still opted to remove the pink triangle decal from our car before starting a new job, until he gets a feel for how homophobic his new company is. Lilo is still only married because another country gave her that right. They are still facing the ostracism, the less-than attitudes, the danger, the opposition. They shouldn’t have to face it here, among their own community. We should be better than that.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

April 1, 2010 (post 1)

Hi Poppets! Guess what? I might be on the move again. I know, I know. Never put my address in permanent ink. That’s just a bad idea. While I always look forward to a move, this one is good for me on another level, as well. This one is causing me to face and rethink some prejudgments I didn’t even realize I had. See, we’re moving to Alaska. Yep, this city girl is going to the home of flannel shirts, lumberjacks, moose and Sarah Palin. Need I say I wasn’t very excited about it at first?

Somewhat grudgingly, I started researching Anchorage. After all, we would need a place to live, buy groceries, see the occasional movie. And what I discovered surprised me. A lot.

Anchorage has a gay scene to rival any city’s in the lower 48 – and better than many – but it’s not just in Anchorage (although in fairness, much of it is in Anchorage but much of everything in Alaska is in Anchorage so…). The whole state has LGBT friendly resorts and towns and tours. Even the main airline, Alaska Airline, is officially one of the best places to work in the US if you are homosexual and/or a transgendered person. Plus, the Alaskan men on the site David and I belong to are oh so numerous and oh so very cute.

It was quite a wake-up call for me. My assumptions were of closed-minded bigots and people who couldn’t make it down here in the contiguous United States. I was already prepping myself to go in as a sociologist, simply observing, keeping my head down until it was time for us to move on. More than being surprised by Alaska, though, I was surprised by myself…and the chip on my shoulder. The negative stereotypes I was so willing to believe, without proof one way or another. Instead, I have found a thriving and healthy LGBT community.

Admittedly, we haven’t moved yet. It may be very different living it than it is researching it. Whatever living it is actually like, though, Anchorage still has an LGBT community center, a PFLAG office, a youth center, an Imperial Court, several dance clubs, and a handful of social clubs. Regardless of if they are there because they are welcome or if they are there because they are fighting for acceptance, they are there. Which is more than I was expecting, or willing to give them.

Learn from my mistakes this month, Poppets. Watch yourselves. Watch your assumptions. Be open to having your minds changed for the better, not just the worse. And until next month, take care of you.

March 2010

Hi Poppets! I’ve been very political recently, I know, but let’s be honest: there is so much going on within and about the community that it’s hard not to be political these days. This month, I told David, was going to be different. This month, I was going to focus on fun, wonderful things to do and leave the politics to my betters. And then I saw a bumper sticker. The bumper sticker read Tolerance Is For People Without Conviction. Are you kidding me? According to the owners of this car, Jesus had no conviction; Nelson Mandela has no conviction; Archbishop Desmond Tutu has no conviction; Mother Teresa had no conviction. With a group like this, maybe I’ll start claiming to have no conviction.

Now, part of me is still furious, as I think you know me well enough to know. However, since I have been very political recently, I think I will stick with my original plan this month. After all, since I have been released from having conviction, let’s look at events coming up in the area…

First, in case you hadn’t noticed, Gay Bingo is back! They’ve moved to a new location at Freemont Studios but it’s still Gay Bingo. It’s still a great night. It still benefits a worthy cause (the Lifelong AIDS Alliance). This month, the theme is When In Rome on March 20th. Next month is Biker Babes on the 17th of April. Doors open at 6:00 pm and the event starts at 7:00. If you want more information, check out http://www.gaybingoseattle.org or http://www.lifelongaidsalliance.org/gaybingo.

Next, the Seattle Men’s Chorus is bringing their Latin music show, Ole! Ole! Ole!, to life on Saturday, April 10th at 8:00 pm and Sunday, April 11th at 2:00 pm. The Saturday night performance is followed by a dance, free to all ticket holders. Get moving at the concert and stay moving into the night, until 1:00 am! Cash bar and food will be available, too. More information can be found here: http://www.flyinghouse.org/smc/ole/.

If you love to dance but country is more your style, check out the Emerald City Hoedown, April 23-25, also in Seattle. Three days of dancing, music, and great people – all to a country western beat, courtesy of Rain Country Dance Association. And no, you don’t have to be a member to attend. While primarily geared toward the LGBT community, Rain Country Dance is straight-friendly, as well, and open to all. Details about the Hoedown and the Association can be found at http://www.raincountrydance.org/hoedown.asp and http://www.raincountrydance.org/index.asp respectively.

Finally, for this article at least, it’s the time of year for Dining Out For Life (http://www.diningoutforlife.com/). Regardless of where you are, you can participate. Take a run up to the Vancouver, B.C. area on the 25th of this month to eat at some fabulous restaurants and then, on April 29th, be in either Seattle or Portland and repeat. Two delicious nights out; one worthy cause.

So, Poppets, if you want to stick to your convictions and keep tolerating, or if you want to throw up your hands for a few weeks and shun those who aren’t lucky enough to be us, here are a few ways to do it in style – snarkiness optional. Whichever you choose, until next month, take care of you.

February 2010

Hi Poppets! Have you seen the movie Avatar, yet? I have a confession: I have not. Not being much of a fantasy geek, it just doesn’t hold that much interest for me, even if it is on track to being one of the top-grossing movies of all time. It seems everyone has something to say about it though, which is why I think I’m probably the only person in America who hasn’t seen it yet. Generally speaking, I don’t listen to reviews much. As a writer, I know how subjective they are. However, one particular review (in fairness, posted on Facebook by the friend of a friend of mine) led me down some interesting paths.

The FB post was written by Mark (not his real name) who happens to be a black man. His comment was “once again, the white man saves the day, but it was still a great movie.” When my friend, who happens to be a white woman, told me about this comment, she finished with the aside, “Mark’s gotten a little militant.” My response was “Actually, so have I.” And we both laughed and that was the end of it.

Only it wasn’t the end of it for me. That line, Mark’s gotten a little militant has stayed with me. At what point did acknowledging subtle, culture-wide, frustratingly acceptable prejudices mean one was militant?

Over the last several months, I’ve read bloggers and articles from people of color, women, members of the LGBT community, and yes, even some white, straight folks, who are pointing out these prejudices in everything from comic books to public policy. Movies where the supposedly strong woman still has to be rescued by her male counterpart. Comic books where the token gay character is nothing more than an animated stereotype. Policy that claims to protect one group of people, while throwing another group under the bus. And let’s not forget the justice of the peace at the end of last year who refused to grant a marriage license to an inter-racial couple because of the “emotional harm” society could do to any children resulting from the marriage.

My friend and I grew up together. We wore out cassette tapes of South African songs of freedom. We wrote letters to politicians. We wore ribbons and peace signs (back before they were in style again). Now, twenty-five years later, a black man acknowledging – with humor, nonetheless – the underlying theme of the white man saving the day is militant.

I’ll be honest; I’ve never considered myself militant. I am an unapologetic rights activist. I write for the Betty Pages, even though I’m a straight woman. I write about the racism surrounding our President even though I’m a white woman. The Constitution still means something very important to me. I listen and I talk; I teach and I learn. Does that make me militant? Maybe. Apparently. But I can live with that. For me, it beats the alternative of silence.

And, on an only slightly related note (so please forgive the bad segue), I don’t only call out others when I think they’ve been wrong. I try to admit it when I am, as well. Last month, I called out the President for not standing up more strongly for the LGBT community. Since then, Mr. Obama has appointed the first openly transgendered woman to a Presidential position. Amanda Simpson, formerly Mitchell Simpson, will be a senior technical advisor to the Commerce Department. This is the bravest step any president has ever taken on our behalf, don’t fool yourself. Thank you, sir, for proving me wrong. In spite of last month’s article, I still believe this man is a friend of ours and supports us. If I’m going to call out others, I should call out myself as well. That, too, beats the alternative of silence.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

January 2010

Happy New Year, Poppets! It’s 2010. Amazing isn’t it? Hopefully, your holidays were peaceful and joyous. Mine were good, which is always a lovely thing to report. But, with the holidays over and the new year rung in, it’s time for me to come out of my gothic-y Martha Stewart stage and start paying attention again.

Turns out, we’re coming up on an important anniversary. It’s been almost a year since Barack Obama took the oath of office. And oh dear… Sometimes being a Libra isn’t the easiest thing to be. Generally speaking, Libras are very good at seeing all sides of an issue.

See, our president made many promises to the LGBT community during the campaign. The passage of the Employment Nondiscrimination Act (ENDA); the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT); the repealing of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). We opened our hearts and our wallets. We registered and campaigned and talked. We rallied and voted. He won us over and we helped ensure he won. Yet, so far, there has been no movement on any of these issues.

We deserve better. It is, after all, 2010. How is it possible we are still having this debate in 2010?

And yet, the Libra in me kicks in, this is the same president who was left with the greatest economic failure of most of our lifetimes, a two front war, a country as polarized as we’ve ever seen, an education system that is barely viable, and the distrust and disrespect of the global community. The needs of one group – any group – must be put on the back burner until our country is functioning again. Because don’t fool yourselves; our country is barely functioning. Those infamous foundations? They are still cracking and crumbling out from under us.

This has taken nearly a decade to the layperson’s eye, and some experts say going back to the 1970s, to create. This won’t be turned around in one year. It can’t be, no matter who is in the White House or what promises were made. Let’s get the country stable again and then we can start holding him to the promises he made to the smaller groups of constituents.

And yet, I answer myself, not moving on a promise because there are other, more urgent issues, is one thing. To use the weight of the White House and the Department of Justice (DOJ) to countermand future legal actions brought by us and on our behalf, is another. To use cases involving incest and pedophilia to justify the Constitutionality of DOMA (as the DOJ did last summer) oversteps. This isn’t just silence or inaction. Nor is it innocuous. Nor is it necessary. While the DOJ must defend current laws, it needs not defend them by legitimizing the opposition’s most inflammatory, oppressive stances. It needs not give validity to the opposition’s greatest fears.

Still, the Libra speaks up once I’ve calmed down a bit, and then she goes silent. Because there were other ways to handle this. Ways that didn’t betray us. Silence, I could have understood. I could’ve even defended. I don’t expect miracles in a year, I never did. But I didn’t expect this White House, this President, to set us up, either. It’s important now for us to think clearly. To come together as a community. To remind President Obama about his promises. We got him elected once. We don’t have to do it twice. Maybe a year in is a good time to get that message across. What do you think? Let me know at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com.

And, until next month, Poppets, take care of you.