February 2015

Oh, Poppets, I have written ad nauseam about my fears that LGBTQ activists will rest once marriage equality is passed. You know my feelings on it. I know my feelings on it. So, no. I am not going to write about the Supreme Court taking up the issue. Do I hope it passes? Yes. Do I think it will? Yes. Am I afraid of what will happen after it does? Oh hell yes. There. Issue addressed.

Moving on to…February. Valentine’s Day. Are you sick of it yet? After all, it rolled into stores somewhere about December 27th. I have to be honest, though; I’m not. I love Valentine’s Day. 

But Valentine’s Day tends to be difficult in our community. We spend so much time hearing about how unloveable we are, how wrong, and sick, and unhealthy we are. I’m thrilled to say that’s getting better, but let’s be honest – if we weren’t still hearing those things, I would be able to be excited about SCOTUS taking up marriage equality. It’s just too easy to believe on some level when people say hateful, horrible things.

So this year, instead of focusing only on our partners – or lack thereof, depending on your specific situation – I’m suggesting we focus on ourselves. Focus on what makes us loveable. Unique. Beautiful. Special. Worthy.

Stay away from superficial adjectives, too. Trust me, you won’t always be young, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and thin gets harder the older you get. Instead, focus on longer lasting things. Humor. Kindness. Fashion sense, even. Whatever makes you unique.

We are all our worst enemies. Instead of looking in the mirror and seeing what you always see, try to see yourself through someone else’s eyes. And not the haters we were talking about a couple paragraphs ago. Your friends. Your partner. The people who love you.

We are so good to the people we love. That’s the thing about love. It allows us to see our friends and family honestly (hopefully) but kindly, too. So why can’t we extend that same kindness and generosity to ourselves?

Here’s an exercise for you: Every time this month you realize you are thinking about yourself in a way you wouldn’t let anyone talk about a friend, stop. Set yourself straight (so to speak) the same way you would defend a friend.

Because if someone talked trash about your friend, you’d be the first person to say shut the fuck up. To remind them how your friend is the funniest, most genuine, most caring, most intelligent, most…whatever…you’ve ever known. So, when you hear yourself talking that way – stop. Remind yourself that you are the funniest, most genuine, most caring, most intelligent, most whatever you’ve ever known.

Do this every time this month. No trash talk. No self-doubt. Nothing but love. See what happens. I bet you like it, Poppets, I really do. And yes, be sure to buy yourself chocolates and flowers, too – even if someone else is buying them for you, as well. You’re worth it, after all.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

Je Suis, Charlie.