April 1, 2010 (post 2)

It was another 2 post month this month, Blog Readers. Here's the second. The first can be found directly beneath. Take care of you.


Hi Poppets! Can I check in on something with you, please? It’s something I’ve been aware of for years now but has been back up in my face the last month. Why, when we talk about the LGBT community, do we not actually mean the LGBT community? Because we don’t.

My friend, Helen, is bisexual. She has had four long-term, committed, bring-your-partner-home-to-meet-the-family relationships. Two have been with men. Two have been with women. And yes, the last one she had was with a man, whom she married and is still quite happily married to today. She is also still bisexual. He knows it. She certainly knows it. They have an open relationship because, while he is the man she wants to be married to, she is still bisexual, and there are needs he just can’t meet. Mostly, though, their relationship is open in theory alone. Why? Because the attitude is that she is betraying the community by being married to a man; she is, literally, sleeping with the enemy.

My husband, David, still self-identifies as gay. I am the person he loves and I happen to be female. That doesn’t mean he isn’t more attracted to men than he is to women. It means he happened to fall in love with a person, rather than just a gender. However, many of his gay friends have ostracized him, accused him of just “slumming” when he was hanging out with them. I would willingly accept that they just don’t like me – except that the ones who have accused him of the betrayal haven’t and won’t even meet me.

Another friend, Lilo, is bisexual and married, courtesy of Canada, to a woman. Yet she still has to listen to her wife’s friends warn her wife that Lilo will leave her for a man, for the ease of heterosexual life. And not in a joking, fun-loving sort of way, either. They are bitter, spiteful warnings, implicit with, should Lilo leave one day, her wife will only have gotten what she deserved for getting involved with “one of them” anyway.

Excuse me, but what the hell? This makes no sense, Poppets. If what we fight for, what we rally for, is the right to be accepted for who we are and love who we love, why are we not willing to give that same respect to others? Others who we claim to include? Helen still can’t talk openly about going out on a date with a woman because she risks her job if she does (and not because of an adultery clause). David still opted to remove the pink triangle decal from our car before starting a new job, until he gets a feel for how homophobic his new company is. Lilo is still only married because another country gave her that right. They are still facing the ostracism, the less-than attitudes, the danger, the opposition. They shouldn’t have to face it here, among their own community. We should be better than that.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

April 1, 2010 (post 1)

Hi Poppets! Guess what? I might be on the move again. I know, I know. Never put my address in permanent ink. That’s just a bad idea. While I always look forward to a move, this one is good for me on another level, as well. This one is causing me to face and rethink some prejudgments I didn’t even realize I had. See, we’re moving to Alaska. Yep, this city girl is going to the home of flannel shirts, lumberjacks, moose and Sarah Palin. Need I say I wasn’t very excited about it at first?

Somewhat grudgingly, I started researching Anchorage. After all, we would need a place to live, buy groceries, see the occasional movie. And what I discovered surprised me. A lot.

Anchorage has a gay scene to rival any city’s in the lower 48 – and better than many – but it’s not just in Anchorage (although in fairness, much of it is in Anchorage but much of everything in Alaska is in Anchorage so…). The whole state has LGBT friendly resorts and towns and tours. Even the main airline, Alaska Airline, is officially one of the best places to work in the US if you are homosexual and/or a transgendered person. Plus, the Alaskan men on the site David and I belong to are oh so numerous and oh so very cute.

It was quite a wake-up call for me. My assumptions were of closed-minded bigots and people who couldn’t make it down here in the contiguous United States. I was already prepping myself to go in as a sociologist, simply observing, keeping my head down until it was time for us to move on. More than being surprised by Alaska, though, I was surprised by myself…and the chip on my shoulder. The negative stereotypes I was so willing to believe, without proof one way or another. Instead, I have found a thriving and healthy LGBT community.

Admittedly, we haven’t moved yet. It may be very different living it than it is researching it. Whatever living it is actually like, though, Anchorage still has an LGBT community center, a PFLAG office, a youth center, an Imperial Court, several dance clubs, and a handful of social clubs. Regardless of if they are there because they are welcome or if they are there because they are fighting for acceptance, they are there. Which is more than I was expecting, or willing to give them.

Learn from my mistakes this month, Poppets. Watch yourselves. Watch your assumptions. Be open to having your minds changed for the better, not just the worse. And until next month, take care of you.