August 1, 2016

How was your Pride last month? I truly hope it was special. Back in June, we went to David’s first ever Pride Parade in Boston. Next month, we’re hoping to catch the Pride events in Worcester, where we currently call home.

I’m starting with that question because I am doggedly determined to write a happy, uplifting, peaceful article this month. Why? Because as I’m writing it, the Republican National Convention is going on. Donald Trump has just given the American people the chance to put Mike Pence a bad cold away from the Oval Office. And the nation is still reeling from gun violence. Expect articles on all of that as both situations develop – but for now, I’m focused on something else. At least for a month.

So here’s that something else, something that happened last month. The very same week I wrote this article and everything I just mentioned went down, in fact.

The California State Board of Education unanimously passed a ground-breaking LGBTQ addition to the history/social sciences curriculum. Come this fall when public schools go back into session, the history, rights, and accomplishments of LGBTQ peoples will be part of the everyday curriculum.

Starting in 2^nd grade, students will learn about same-sex couples. By 4^th grade, they’ll be learning about the LGBTQ organizations that came about as early as the 1950s. In middle school, they’ll move on the evolution of gender norms in the 18^th-20^th centuries – and the people who pushed back against them. By the time California public school students are in high school, they will be learning about the laws and struggles happening currently, like the fight for marriage equality and the anti-trans bathroom bills in states nationally.

And the new regulations go one step further – not only are the new classrooms inclusive, anti-LGBTQ teachings are banned. There’s no exception for “religious freedom” or any attempt at being “fair and balanced.” We exist. We were oppressed. We are marginalized. We continue to fight back. We continue to contribute. We matter. There is no counter-argument.

The need for this is clear. And not just because our history IS American history. But because according to a 2013 national survey, 74% of LGBTQ middle and high school students experienced verbal harassment due their orientation and identity. In schools without explicitly inclusive materials, 60% of LGBTQ students report feeling unsafe. That number drops to 30% in schools with explicitly inclusive materials.

Now, I’m me, which means I look at most things with a heaping spoonful of skepticism. I am concerned that we still desperately need a Black History Month, but the history of LGBTQ people gets fully incorporated into the daily curriculum. Will this include LGBTQ people of color? Or is there going to be a white-washing? Are transmen and –women going to be truly included? Or is it going to be the history and struggle of white, gay men – which counts and is part of the story, but nowhere near the full story.

I don’t mean to end on a skeptical note, and I am definitely excited about this move. It has the potential to be huge. So come on, California, don’t screw this up. The nation is watching, and we could really use some good news.

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

Sources: http://www.attn.com/stories/9981/california-to-start-teaching-lgbt-rights-movement-in-public-schools

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-lgbt-curriculum-california-20160714-snap-story.html

July 2016

Like every other LGBTQ columnist out there, I’m writing about Orlando this month. If it’s too much, I get it. I do. Skip this one, and I’ll see you again in August. I love you.

For those of you still with me – I love you. 

Somehow, I think that’s important to say to each other right now.

49 of our brothers, sisters, and siblings were killed last month because someone hated us. We need to speak of love.

Yes, anger. Yes, pain. Yes, action. I will not tell you to turn the other cheek or let it roll of your back or any of those things.

But also, love.

Because there are three communities that have been torn apart by one man’s hate:
1. The LGBTQ community
2. The Latinx community
3. The Muslim community

Breaking it down – 
1. The LGBTQ community. Obviously. We were targeted. We were hunted. We were slaughtered. It wasn’t a terror attack on a mall or sporting event where LGBTQ peoples could have been among the victims. This was a terror attack against us.
2. The Latinx community. Along those same lines, the killer researched the nightclub, its calendar, the crowd. He chose Latin night. Yes, we white members of the LGBTQ community deserve to fell attacked and threatened. It wasn’t just a racist act. There were plenty of straight Latin clubs he could’ve targeted but didn’t. But nor can we erase the fact that it was also a racist act, perpetrated against a very specific people.
3. The Muslim community. I don’t know how many times it has to be said before the media and political pundits start repeating it, but Islam is a peaceful religion. It’s been co-opted by some hateful, hate-filled extremists, but Islam itself is neither. Yet part of the reason the media and the political pundits were so fast to declare it domestic terrorism was because the killer fit the convenient, saleable profile of a terrorist. And no, I don’t believe he did it for ISIS, in spite of his claims. I believe he, too, knew that radicalized Islam would lend a sick legitimacy to his actions so he didn’t have to admit just how much he hated us.

Which brings us back to hate. Because he did hate. 

He didn’t know the 49. He didn’t care to know the 49. He only knew hate.

So…I love you. I love you for exactly who you are. I’m not saying that should make everything better. In fact, I doubt it will make anything better. I still love you.

Because it’s all I have. Because love beats hate. Because if one man’s hate can do this much damage, maybe one person’s love can help, even a little bit.

So – I love you.

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

June 1, 2016

The day I wrote this article, the United States House of Representatives voted down a bill that would have protected LGBTQ rights. The bill, which was actually expected to pass, would’ve made it illegal for federal contractors to fire employees based on orientation.

It missed by one vote, failing 212 to 213.

This article almost didn’t get written. I almost emailed Betty and said “I have nothing for you this month.” Because I was almost beaten. The hate that is being spewed – not only without fear of repercussion but with authority and legitimacy – very nearly got to me this month.

I texted my sister because I had nothing. It’s not that I didn’t have an idea. Writer’s block sucks but it’s part of being a professional writer. You learn to just start putting words on the page and next thing you know, you’ve got an article, or an essay, or a chapter, or whatever. The day I wrote this, my nothing was more than that.

I couldn’t bring myself to write an events article. Not with all the government sanctioned hate happening to us right now. But I couldn’t bring myself to write another article about the hate. Not this month. I had … nothing.

And then my sister texted me back. My niece, her daughter, is in the 5th grade. Goes to public school. In the interest of full disclosure, she goes to public school in one of the most liberal, tipped all the way over to the left, artsy, earthy crunchy towns in the entire country. She still goes to public school. Here in the United States.

Two of her friends, her schoolmates, are transgender girls. Openly, happily, supported by parents and community alike. In 4th and 5th grade.

My friends, Darin and David, have become foster parents in order to begin the process of adoption. They’re in Oregon.

My friends, Christine and Teresa, just up and got married at the spur of the moment last month. They’re in Connecticut.

And another friend (who shall also remain unidentified, because he’s a minor) has come out to his friends, his school, and his mom as definitely gay, possibly transgender, and certainly bigender. He’s in Maryland (and still requests male pronouns, just to be clear).

Five instances of love don’t even count as a drop given the tsunami of hatred that’s rushing toward us right now – and yet they MUST matter. They DO matter.

Because it is different. And I have to believe that we will push back against the hate. 

Now is not an easy time. I’m deeply afraid it will get worse before it gets better. And – it is different. So I hold onto that. Because that’s something.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

May 1, 2016

There’s a sense growing in the United States that scares me, Poppets. There’s a sense that Ted Cruz is a viable, saner, more palatable alternative to Donald Trump. Oh, Poppets, this is a road we must not go down.

Now, I realize that I am probably not talking to that many Republican voters right now. That most of you are staunchly entrenched in the Hillary or Bernie camps. What scares me, though, are those of you who might be so firmly entrenched in their respective candidate’s camp that you’re also in the PUMA (Party Unity My Ass) camp.

Don’t get me wrong – I understand it. We have had candidates shoved down our throats. We have voted for the lesser of two evils. We have been stuck with nominees who considered us afterthoughts, at best, and second-class citizens, at worst (and that’s within the Democratic party!). If your candidate doesn’t become the nominee, I really do understand how easy it would be to not vote for the other in November. Or to vote for a third, independent candidate.

But here’s the truth – that is voting for the Republican candidate. Silence, in whatever form it takes, always empowers the oppressor. You can argue all you want, but the fact remains that not voting, or throwing away your vote simply to be able to stand there and say “oh, but I did vote!” is voting for the other side.

Which brings me back to the opening paragraph – people are starting to see Ted Cruz as a viable, saner alternative to Donald Trump. And it’s making people believe that, so long as Donald Trump isn’t nominated in November, it’s okay to be in the PUMA party. It’s okay to not vote for Hillary or Bernie, because hey, Ted Cruz may win, but it’s not Trump, so it’s okay!

No. No, it’s not.

Do not fall into this trap, Poppets. Cruz is calmer. He is more likeable. He’s friendlier – but do not mistake that for being nicer. Or kinder. Or saner.

He wants to patrol Muslim neighborhoods. (http://www.cnn.com/2016/03/22/politics/ted-cruz-muslim-neighborhoods/)

He wants to keep Christianity and the 10 Commandments in the “public sphere”, completely disregarding the separation of church and state and the, you know, millions of nonChristians who live here. (http://www.ontheissues.org/Ted_Cruz.htm)

He wants to outlaw a woman’s right to choose what she can do with her own body. (http://www.ontheissues.org/Ted_Cruz.htm)

And he considers our very existence a “moral decay” and a “crisis.” (http://thinkprogress.org/lgbt/2016/01/27/3743336/cruz-gay-marriage-iowa/)

Go ahead. Disagree with Hillary or Bernie. Argue, debate, fight, protest, volunteer. For God’s sake VOTE. But come November, put it aside. Even if your candidate didn’t win the nomination. Because Ted Cruz is not a saner alternative to Donald Trump. Just a quieter one.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

April 1, 2016

This article’s going to be short, Poppets, because sometimes it doesn’t take many words to say what I want to say.

April 25th is the last day you can register to vote or update your voter registration status online. In other words, if you want to be able to vote in the Presidential primary next month, it helps to be on top of it this month. 

May 16th is the last day to register IN PERSON to vote in the Presidential primary. But you have to be able to get to the County Auditor’s Office. In Bellingham, that’s at 311 Grand Avenue, suite 103.

All voters are encouraged to register early in order to prevent delays, glitches, or other issues.

And do not for a moment, Poppets, believe that the nominees are inevitable, have already been decided. THEY HAVEN’T. I know it doesn’t feel like your vote counts, but it’s important to vote anyway.

Think of it this way – if everyone who didn’t vote because their vote “didn’t matter” it would be enough people to change the outcome. Don’t be one of those people.

Don’t like any of the candidates? I feel your pain. Vote anyway. Vote against a candidate instead of voting for one. There are candidates running this year who hate us. They aren’t afraid. It’s not a difference of opinion. They hate us. Vote against them, or you are voting for them. Doing nothing favors the other side. It just does.

The names on the ballot come November matter. They matter deeply. Take a stand. Have a voice. Participate. Changes always start small, with one person. November isn’t that far away. You could even say it starts this month. So you start this month, too.

Start this month. This election. This vote. It matters because you matter. Because we matter.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

March 1, 2016

It’s March, Poppets. We’ve almost made it through winter. The cold, the rain, the dark…it’s almost behind us for another year.

Here’s more good news, just about the time you’re thinking it might be nice to get out, shake off the winter blahs and go do something, there are things to do!

If you’re really looking to get out of town for a bit – and we all know a little travel is good for the soul, especially after a long period of hibernation – Dine Around Seattle runs Sundays through Thursdays, this month from March 6th through the 31st.  Participating restaurants are offering three-course meals for $33. Some are even offering $18 lunches! For more information and a list of participants, go to www.dinearoundseattle.org or call 206.629.2346 x 4.

Closer to home, the First Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) hosts a community meal that’s open to the public, free of charge, one Sunday a month. This month, it’s the 13th. In April, it’s the 10th. Lunch is from 2:00 to 3:30 both days. If you’re interested in volunteering to help set up, clean up, or just be an official pair of hands, give them a call at (360) 734-6820. And don’t be worried about being judged at a Christian church. First Christian is open and affirming, which means they actively welcome and provide safe space for us.

March 19th brings the Farmers’ Market. Hopefully, you’re already familiar with it, but just in case you’re not – 10:00 am to 3:00 pm at the Depot Market Square. And by April, they’re back to their regular schedule instead of their winter one. Told you we were almost through it!

Also, on the 19th, Whatcom Community College is offering a course on Energy Medicine for You and Your Health. It’s been a long winter. We’re moving into what is guaranteed to be a contentious and truly vicious presidential campaign. Learn some ways to take care of and protect yourself, spiritually and emotionally. The cost is $35 and you should preregister. Call (360) 383-3200 or go to www.whatcom.ctc.edu to learn more.

Need some good old fashioned, family-friendly fun? Try the Purim Carnival hosted by Congregation Beth Israel. It’s Sunday, March 20th, starting at 11:30 am, in Donovan Park. Call (360) 733-8890 for more details.

And finally, April 1st starts the Skagit County Tulip Festival and all the many events that happen down there this time of year. You can find them on Facebook for up to the minute information and schedules.

Spring is on its way, Poppets. Let’s get out and enjoy it!

Until next month, take care of you – and each other.

February 1, 2016

It’s award season, Poppets, and for many of us that’s a fabulous time. The glitz and glitter. The clothes. The gorgeous people out looking their most dashing and beautiful. What’s not to love?

Except…

Except that the Academy Awards nominations are entirely white throughout every single major category this year. Think about that: every nominee, of every gender, in every major category is one race – white.

But guess what? The host is black! So it’s okay, right? In other words, the man providing the entertainment is allowed to be a man of color, just not the award winners. Sounds remarkably like the minstrel shows, of you think about it. 

And let’s get this out of the way, too – I have NO quarrel with Chris Rock. First, he took the gig long before the nominations were announced and second, the man is allowed to cash his paycheck. If he’s comfortable taking the money, I am not about to tell him he’s out of place.

However, white people being amused and entertained by a black man – while honoring themselves and no one else? That I have a problem with.

And, honestly, you should, too. First, because the LGBTQ community includes people of color. When people of color are left out of anything, it means some of our own are being excluded. Then, because there is overlap here, even for those of us who are not people of color. Because white, cis, straight must not be the only things of value in our society. Yet we are told over and over and over again that they are. That white, straight, and cis are all that matter.

Even the times our stories are being told by Hollywood, they are being told too often by white, straight, and cis people. The Dallas Buyers Club and Jared Leto. Transparent and Jeffery Tambor. About Ray and Elle Fanning. The Danish Girl and Eddie Redmayne. And don’t get me started on what happened with Stonewall. 

Yes, these are brilliant performances by brilliant actors (with the notable exception of Stonewall, which was pretty bad all the way around). They are still white, straight, cis actors telling these stories – because, as we keep seeing, white, straight and cis is what’s considered valuable.

I’ve also heard the argument that there aren’t enough transgender actors who are talented enough to play the roles. While I have no definitive proof that this isn’t true, I still call bullshit. You know why? Because it’s the exact same argument that gets used to justify why there are so few people of color in any role of responsibility, from acting to Wall Street. It’s the same argument that gets used when yet another man gets a promotion or a six-figure job and a woman doesn’t. “We hired the best person. We would have loved to have hired someone not this white, straight, cis, man but no one else was as good.” Really? No, not really.

News flash – if casting directors only look for established, well-known transgender actors, they aren’t going to find many. We haven’t given them enough roles to become established and well-known. God love Laverne Cox, she can’t play every role out there.

We have slammed too many doors in too many faces to expect to be able to reopen them now and have the people we want standing there, waiting. Plus, let’s be honest – movie makers don’t actually want transgender actors (or actors of color, or openly gay, lesbian, or bi actors) in those roles. Because if the people in charge truly wanted those actors, they would find them.

In 2014, there was a delightful movie called Boy Meets Girl. Its budget was a pittance. And they found a charming, talented, charismatic, transgender young actress to play the role of a charming, talented, charismatic, transgender young woman. Trust and believe, if the producers of Boy Meets Girl can find Michelle Hendley, so can major players in Hollywood.

It’s also too close to the argument that’s being used to justify all the Oscar nominations being white this year. “Oh, it was such a strong field… We would have loved to have nomination actors of color, but…” I’m sorry, but Idris Elba, Benicio Del Toro, and Samuel L Jackson all had movies out this year. It doesn’t matter what the role is, those men deliver, at the very least, Oscar-nomination worthy performances.

Which brings us back to where we started and #Oscarssowhite – and why we should care.
It’s the 21st century. White, straight, and cis shouldn’t be the only ones who get to do the talking, or who get the honors.

Watch the Oscars, or don’t. Pay attention to the fashion, or don’t. I’m not calling for a boycott, or anything like that. Just don’t be oblivious, and don’t think that’s it’s not your issue. Because it is. It’s an issue – a problem – that belongs to all of us.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.