June 2011

It’s that time of year again, Poppets: Pride!  You know I love Pride and this year is no different. You can find great events all over the area, including right here in Bellingham. However, since you can find these great events, rather than give you a laundry list – no matter how well written or humorous a laundry list – we’re talking about pride, with a lower-case ‘p’. If you need it, I recommend going here and here.

Now…pride. For every one of us who celebrates Pride, there is at least one who doesn’t. Who takes no pride in being part of our community. Gay men, lesbians, queers, transgendered people, bisexual men and women – people who should be able to take pride, who should feel a part of the LGBTQ community. After all, that’s what the word community means. Yet they feel no pride, so why celebrate Pride?

It would be easy to say they need to get over themselves; to lay it at their feet. It would be easy and, goodness knows, it would be more convenient. If it is their fault, their problem, then we don’t have to look at how we might have contributed to these feelings. After all, no one is responsible for our feelings but ourselves; no one can make you feel inadequate without your permission. Blah, blah, blah. We know all the catch phrases. Honestly, I’m even a fan of these phrases. I believe them to be true.

I also believe the overuse of these catch phrases is a cop-out. We use them to be able to insult people, to be cruel, to be dismissive, all while being able to blame the very person we have just tried to hurt if they actually get hurt by the fact that we have just tried to hurt them. How is that even logical?

But, what does this have to do with Pride or even with us? Because there is a hierarchy within our community. We like to pretend there isn’t. We like to pretend that, as an oppressed group, we come together in unity. We like to pretend we are a united front against those with straight privilege. Sadly, if you talk to more than a handful of bisexual people, you will discover this isn’t the case. If you talk to gays and lesbians of color, you will discover racism is as rampant among us as it is within the straight community. If you get to know transgendered people – do you even know a transgendered person? – you will hear stories of his or her “community” being as judgmental as the cis-world.

You don’t want this to be true. I don’t want this to be true. But as adults, we know that wanting something to be different doesn’t automatically make it so. We have to work to change it. I think Pride would be a good time to start or continue that work. Recognize where you have privilege, because most of us carry it somewhere. Watch your humor and your jokes. If someone doesn’t think you’re funny, let that be about you, not about them. Admit that yes, even as the focus of bigotry, we can still be bigoted. Don’t use politically correct words just because you know them; really think about why they are important and change the way you think, not just the way you speak.

If we can start here, with Pride, with ourselves, maybe we can open the community to pride. It’s worth a shot.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

May 2011

* Note: Updated performance dates in the comments section!*

One of my favorite aspects of writing for The Betty Pages is getting to find all the events that are going on within the community. Since leaving Boston, that usually means what’s happening in the Pacific Northwest, but every now and then, something on the east coast catches my eye and I have to share it with you. This month is one of those times. Because really, this is good, Poppets.

Last year, I learned about a hot, new playwright, Shawn C. Harris. Shawn is a triple minority – Black, female, and queer – so I was particularly interested in hearing her voice. Fingers crossed, hoping it wouldn’t suck, I read her play, Tulpa or Anne&Me. Oh my God. This was so far beyond simply not sucking.

Tulpa is truly breathtaking. In a raw, honest way, she explores the relationship between two women as they deal with and explore how race affects them as they move from strangers to lovers to possibly friends. Her ability to acknowledge that which unites us as women, and yet push us to face the systemic racism that divides us is rare and valuable.

Since the staged reading of it last year, Tulpa has taken off – and rightly so. Instead of simply passing away into obscurity as so often happens with the work of people of color or members of the LGBTQ community, the show is a featured stage production of the Planet Connections Theatre Festivity 2011 on June 19th in New York City (866-811-4111 for tickets if you or anyone you know is going to be in the area). Yep, Shawn’s gone big-time! So, imagine my delight and surprise when she and her director/co-producer Sara Lyons, agreed to do an interview with me (and told me to call them by their first names, nonetheless).


Bridget Adams (BA): The PCTF website describes the play like this:
Tulpa, or Anne&Me explores a strange friendship that begins with an artist whose lonely world gets turned upside down when Anne Hathaway crawls out of her television. As their friendship blossoms, they begin to examine how race impacts their lives as women, as friends, and as human beings.

How would you describe it? What is it to you, Shawn, as the author?

Shawn Harris (SH): LOL! I wrote that description for PCTF, so I'd say it's fairly accurate of the plot. What the description doesn't get is how the play speaks to my generation's experience with and ideas about race. Ditto gender and sexuality. We were born years, even decades, after the landmark events of the civil rights, women's liberation, and gay rights movements. All that was literally before our time. Back then, it was said that the personal is political. Now we're seeing how the political is also personal.

Sara Lyons (SL): ditto on what Shawn said :)

BA: The show is challenging from an artistic standpoint, in that your actors have to have a level of talent that we aren’t always seeing these days. I imagine, dealing with the issues of race, racism, and social justice in such a raw, honest way was also a challenge when it came to casting. Were there difficulties in finding people who were talented enough to embrace the roles but were also open enough to address the issues?

SH: Yes and no. So much of what's out there is stereotypical and doesn't offer much to the talent that's out there. As for casting, it's not just the subject matter that makes it hard, it's the nature of the main character too - not just as a queer Black woman, but as a person. She doesn't lend herself to expressing herself easily, but that's kind of the point of the character. But actors - especially stage actors - are often trained to be very expressive, so facing a character who is so intensely reserved can be particularly difficult.

SL: To a certain extent, yes. But in my experience working on shows with social justice themes, I have often found that the more openness and trust that I approach the work and my collaborators with, the more they often surprise and delight me with their passion and interest in the issues at hand. I think the fact for a lot of people is that they have never had the opportunity to honestly engage with social justice issues, particularly race--they haven't had the particular privilege of taking lots of expensive women's studies classes in college, for example--and when they are actually given a safe, nonjudgmental, and stimulating environment to get into it, it can be a novel, transformative, and enlightening experience. When I'm casting a piece like this, I don't necessarily look for someone who is a self-described activist, or someone who makes their living doing social justice work (not that that isn't wonderful!)--I look for people who have heart, and who are unabashedly honest. As the play develops in rehearsal, it is that person who will discover that social justice is just as much about what is in your heart as it is about who's in the White House. That valuing of heart and honesty is also a huge part of what makes a quality actor. So, I often find the pieces actually fit together well

BA: What was it about the two of you, Shawn and Sara, that made you realize you could produce this together?

SH: Since we're both passionate about social justice, we come at it with a shared vocabulary that makes it much easier to get certain ideas across. I don't have to explain basic concepts, which makes it a lot easier to go deeper more quickly. As a director who also knows actors, she can grasp the internal and external complexities of the story and communicate them in a way that works for the people who have to give it life. I'm a writer, so I know how to communicate, but that's not the same as being able to speak Actor.

Sara is remarkably open to challenging her assumptions about things, which is what this play is about. So when I send her resources that inform or explain a certain aspect of the play, I feel like that effort helps - even if she chooses not to use it. So that means she comes at it not as imposing upon the play, or merely regurgitating what's on the page, but interpreting itself in such a way that it reveals itself most fully. It's like the difference between textbook Mandarin conversations and Ezra Pound.

SL: Ditto on what Shawn said. We have mutual passions for social justice and for theatre, and we both believe in the effectiveness of social justice theatre both as art and as activism, so it was a natural fit. As a director, I am consistently blown away by Shawn's writing for it's raw honesty. She expresses truths about broad societal constructions in the most private, intimate communications between people. The ability to draw bridges between the personal and political, I think, is one of theatre's greatest strengths, and it's a task that really excites me as a director and as an activist.

Additionally, I think the two of us compliment one another in terms of the perspectives we bring to the script--we took different routes to social justice and to theatre, and have had very different experiences around race in our lives (I'm white). I think that working on Tulpa is a way for us to help each other express our distinct individual voices while we simultaneously discover and build ground around what we have in common. It's fulfilling, exciting, and so productive!


BA: Traditionally, the voices of people of color and from the LGBTQ community have been given far less respect than the voices of white, straight artists. Shawn, you are a minority. What resistance did you face getting Tulpa up originally?

SH: Triple minority! Not too many queer Black women getting a lot of theatre press.

To be honest, most of the resistance has come from myself. Many writers have this problem to an extent. I've questioned and doubted myself in ways that someone like, say, David Mamet probably doesn't. There's always that feeling that you don't measure up no matter what you do. There's always that suspicion that you're kidding yourself because there are so many other writers who said what you said better than you, so the world doesn't need what you have to offer.

But in a way that's kind of symptomatic of the systems that oppress women, people of color, and LGBTQ people. While physical violence is awful, I've found that the most dangerous and insidious effects have been psychological. I've had times when I've actually wondered to myself, "Maybe I'm just inferior. Maybe I'm simply not smart enough, strong enough, or righteous enough. Maybe it's right for me to be treated this way."

That interview Oprah had with Barbara Walters where she admits that she wanted to be White? I understand exactly what she meant.

BA: Where does the title come from?

SH: In a nutshell, tulpa is a term from Tibetan folklore that describes a being made real through willpower and imagination then takes a life of its own.

SL: Shawn said it. What I find most intriguing about the definitions of "tulpa" is the idea that through a nexus of desire, imagination, and necessity, a human being can literally will something into reality. It's an evocative, theatrical concept, and it also brings interesting perspective into thinking about how to create a more just society.

BA: The goal of the show seems to be (to me anyway) to create honest dialogue
around race and racism. Do you think it’s succeeding?

SH: I think it's too soon to say, but the feedback I've been getting about it makes me feel hopeful in a way that I haven't felt in a very long time.

SL: A small number of people have seen or read it so far, but there have been really encouraging responses. A white, straight man who read it said that it influenced his ideas about race and his own whiteness more than anything he'd ever read or seen before. One person's reaction doesn't necessarily mean other people will react similarly, but I do think it's true that this script has the potential to inject a new level of heart and understanding into how we understand race on the most personal levels. That's absolutely what it's done for me.

BA: Has anything unexpected come from the writing and producing of Tulpa?

SH: Definitely! Working on Tulpa, or Anne&Me has taught me something very important: to challenge my expectations. Most of the people who've been supporting Tulpa, or Anne&Me from the beginning have not been artists or activists or academics, but regular people who've read the script or checked out Tulpa's IndieGoGo campaign and said, "Yes, this is what I need to see," or "Finally! Someone who's talking about this like a real person and not a pundit," or "Thank God! Someone understands!"

SL: I completely echo Shawn's words about learning to challenge your own expectations. With a traditional theatre background in addition to a background in women's/gender/sexuality/race studies, I always fear that I won't feel validated as both an artist and activist when I'm constantly moving between both worlds. What I'm learning as I delve more fearlessly into combining these passions is that they don't have to be so different. Directing is largely about envisioning something original and effective and then guiding that vision into tangible existence. So is being an activist. It takes a lot of faith, and the more I believe in my own work, the more positive and energetic the response tends to be--from both the theatre and the social justice worlds.

For more information, contact me at lifeandtimesofbridget@gmail.com or go to http://www.indiegogo.com/tulpa2011 and see why I’m so excited. Last year, I was looking forward to hearing Shawn’s voice. This year, I’m looking forward to everyone else hearing it. So, keep an ear out for Shawn C. Harris and Sara Lyons, Poppets, and remember, you heard their names here first.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

Oh, Poppets, it’s Spring! Longer, brighter, warmer days. Open windows. The occasional robin or two. More and more events showing up in various social calendars. That last one is how I know Spring has arrived. Throughout winter, I search and scramble for suggestions for you. More often than not, I shrug and give into my penchant for politics. Then spring comes and I have incredible choices to sift through and highlight. Famine to feast in thirty days.

First – and how did I not know about this before now?! – the Seattle Opera offers LGBT nights. There’s only one left this season, but it’s a good one. The May 20th performance of The Magic Flute is our night. For $100, you get admission to the pre-performance lecture, orchestra seating, and wine reception at intermission. Tickets are available through their website: www.seattleopera.org/tickets/lgbt

If film is more your style, check out the DIY Queer Film Festival sponsored by the Producer’s Collective. In this unique festival, the question “what does home mean to you” is explored through home movies created by LGBT film makers. On Sunday, April 10th at 1:00 and 3:00 for the unbeatable price of $5-$15 suggested donation at 1515 12th Avenue.

Finally, I have a confession; I adore drag shows. There is a reason I write for and love Betty, after all. Now, I understand the argument that drag shows play into every negative stereotype the straight world has of us and I really do appreciate that stance. However, for me, drag is all good fun and an enjoyable, much needed expression of personality. Coming from Boston, where there is only one drag club (the wonderful and under-rated Jacques’ Cabaret, if you’re interested), Seattle is a dream come true. Just about any night you want, you can find a drag show somewhere. But two particular nights have me really excited this spring because, yes, my love of drag shows extends to RuPaul’s Drag Race. April 8th and 9th, Shangela is going to be at Julia’s on Broadway. Tickets are $10 and can be purchased online at www.juliasrestaurantseattle.com or by calling 206/334-0513. Also, on April 22nd and 23rd, Pandora Boxx will be at R Place 619 E. Pine Street. Call 206/322-8828 for more information. Remember to go on the 22nd, though, because you’ve already bought your tickets for the Camp Ten Trees dinner and auction on the 23rd, right? Right.

Yep, it’s spring. The thought of going out is no longer cringe inducing. There’s so much to do and enjoy. Let’s shake off the winter dust and go support some of our own performers, while having a great time.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

March 2011

Remember a few months ago, everyone was concerned about LGBTQ youth? We all wore purple, changed our Facebook statuses and patted ourselves on the back…and then went back to our lives with the next news cycle. Except, guess what Poppets? LGBTQ youth are still out there. They are still trying to figure it all out and it’s not necessarily any easier now than it was six months ago.

Luckily, not everyone moved on with the next news cycle. Enter Camp Ten Trees, headquartered out of our very own Seattle. And let me tell you – this is one freaking cool camp. What drew me to their website was an event they are having next month and I promise I will tell you about it (because trust me, you really want to hear about it) but first I have to say that every tab I clicked, every link I followed, took my breath away. For eleven years now, they have been committed to LGBTQ youth and are still the only residential camp in the Pacific Northwest serving the community. Not only do they have a week-long camp for LGBTQ teens, but they also offer another week for youth, ages 8-17, of any orientation, from LGBT and/or nontraditional families.

They offer traditional outdoor activities, arts and crafts, and sports. They also offer performance opportunities and community projects. However, underneath the fun surface, the camp’s values of inclusivity, safety and acceptance permeate all the adventures. These values are so important to Camp Ten Trees that, while the rates for camp are reasonable to begin with, they also have a sliding scale and camperships for families that need some assistance footing the bill.

All of which is wonderful and exciting, assuming you are, or have, a child or teenager. But what about the rest of us, who are – be honest – a little past our 18th birthdays? There’s fun for us, too. Next month, on April 23rd, at Herban Feast, 3200 1st Avenue S., Ste. 100, in Seattle, at 6:00 PM, the camp is holding its annual dinner and auction. For $55.00, you get an amazing dinner and access to the silent auction. Add another $20.00 and you get the open bar, instead of having to pay cash. If you really feel like splurging on a great night out for an even better cause, $125.00 will get you a VIP ticket: pre-event reception, open bar all evening, first crack at the silent auction items, goodie bag, raffle ticket, and dinner.

Don’t worry if you’re busy on the 23rd, though. You can still help. Not only are they still accepting donations for the auction, but they accept donations, both financial and in-kind, for the camp year-round. The neatest part of the website, for me anyway, is the page where they tell you exactly what your money pays for. This is where you learn how much it costs to send a camper to Ten Trees for a week or run background checks on staff. Monetary donations can be made online. Auction donations can be arranged through the website. Contact Camp Ten Trees for information regarding in-kind donations, as their needs change so often. And if you happen to speak with Airen, tell him Bridget says hi.

Poppets, being a teenager wasn’t easy when we were kids. It’s certainly no easier now. Videos and purple shirts and Facebook statuses are fine. They make us feel good. But these folks at Camp Ten Trees…they are making a real difference, every day. Seems to me, the least we can do is enjoy a night out to help them. For more information, go to http://www.camptentrees.org/ or call 206-288-9568. It’s easier than finding a purple shirt and has a longer lasting impact.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you – and each other.

February 2011

Okay, Poppets, here we are in February. Oh…goodie…? Forgive my reticence but February and March are kind of my anti-October. Every October, I struggle with limiting myself to writing one column because there is so much I could write about. February, not so much. If October is an exciting month, February is blah. March isn’t much better. The holidays are over but Spring hasn’t come to bring long - and warm – days, yet. Blah. But would I let you be blah for long? Hell no.

Let’s start locally. While the Seattle Erotic Art Festival isn’t until Spring, the call for submissions has already come, for those of you who are artistically inclined. The time for all of them is midnight, PST. For Installation Art and the Literary Art Exhibition, Tuesday, February 15. For the Erotic Short Film Exhibition, get it in by Monday, February 28. The Performance Art deadline is still TBA. For more information about submissions and/or attendance, go to http://seattleerotic.org/

A little farther down the coast, in Portland, we’ve got KinkFest 2011 coming March 18-20 and registration is going on right now. Personally, I’m a fan of kink festivals, fetish flea markets, toy fairs, what have you, under any circumstances. This time, I want to point one thing out: KinkFest 2011 is, by their own admission and press release, actively courting the gay male population. Full disclosure, I don’t know the politics behind this, what has happened in the past, or why this year is any different. On the one hand, I’m thrilled with the thought that a group that really needs to be accepting and inclusive is making a concerted effort to be so. On the other hand, I’m curious as to why they need to take this step in the first place and why they are only courting gay men, as opposed to everyone within the community. Without having more information, and not being able to find more, I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume this is truly a good faith effort. Note – if anyone has different information, please email me and let me know. I’ll pass it along. Meanwhile, kink is good. Being with other people who understand this is good. You can find more here: http://www.kinkfest.org

Washington, Oregon…California, baby! The nation’s first ever LGBT museum has opened in San Francisco at 4127 18th Street. This is no small thing, Poppets. It’s the story of our history. Where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going. The history of a people is important. Right now, new as the museum is, it needs donations and volunteers to stay open. Of course, volunteering is going to be tough for most of us. That doesn’t mean we can’t make donations. Add it as a stop on our road trip and pay the entrance fee. At the very least, talk it up. People won’t go if they don’t know about it. http://www.glbthistory.org/museum

February blahs, my ass. Who needs Spring? Okay, yeah, I do. But here are three blahs shattering ways to help us through until it gets here. Enjoy this time, Poppets. And until next month, take care of you.

January 2011

Happy New Year, Poppets! Have you recuperated yet? Are you ready to start fresh in 2011? Because that’s what new years are for, right? Fresh starts, resolutions, changing who we are, all that. Only…I don’t believe that. As I have written here before, I am all for making personal changes; I am not a fan of the pressure to make said changes based on the turn of the calendar.

When I worked in human services - a long time ago, in another life – we would often get people who had made it through the holidays, made it through New Year’s, but would show up in our offices sometime between mid-January and mid-April, horribly depressed because once again they had failed to lose weight, quit smoking, save money, whatever their resolution had been. They had used this time to try to stop being self-destructive even though there is no reason to think it will work any better now than it does on a random Tuesday in March. But they beat themselves up as if they had failed at something simple.

I was talking to David about this the other day, explaining why I don’t like New Year’s resolutions, when he said something that struck me. He said that there are people who hold out for this particular turn of the calendar with the hopes of not just making a change, but the hopes of forgiving themselves for the past year’s (even years’) sins. They use whatever resolution they make as a manifestation of that forgiveness. But the forgiveness isn’t really there, so the resolution doesn’t stick. When the resolution doesn’t stick, it just proves we don’t deserve to be forgiven. And if we aren’t forgiven, then why do we deserve to stop being self-destructive? It’s a cycle.

It kind of rocked me back on my heels. I’ll be honest; I had never thought of it that way.

So this year, I have a suggestion. Let’s make forgiving ourselves our New Year’s resolution. One year for Lent, a friend of mine gave up self-loathing. For my thirty-fifth birthday, my gift to myself was to embrace my curves and be comfortable in my own skin. Years later, my friend still has the self-confidence she gained that Spring and to this day I rock my plus-size fashion with the sexiest of them. In other words, we can do this forgiveness thing and have it stick.

First, don’t resolve to change any specific, outward thing. Habits, patterns, actions, addictions can all wait for a bit. Second, forgive yourself for not having changed those habits, patterns, actions or addictions yet. You aren’t a failure. Whatever it is, we aren’t bad people. Not at our core. The forgiveness really can be the action this year.

Because here’s what happens - once we’ve forgiven ourselves, we can start to see ourselves as people worth being healthy. Physically. Emotionally. Worthy of not self destructing. When we feel worthwhile, any change we make is more likely to stick, even on a random Tuesday in March. Especially on a random Tuesday in March.

Okay, yeah, this got a little touchy-feely. But you want the truth? I believe every word of it. I believe self-forgiveness is one of the greatest resolutions we can make. I believe we are more likely to make the changes we need to make when we like our core selves first. So, if you have to make a resolution in 2011, try this one.

Until next month, Poppets, take care of you.

December 2010

Happy Holidays, Poppets! You know what this means, don’t you? Of course you do. It’s time for my annual column on giving. Honestly, I can’t believe it’s already time to be writing this again. It seems like only yesterday that I was writing 2009’s article. Last year so many people were in hard times that I wrote about critical mass. Guess what? For as much as things have changed over the last twelve months, not much has changed over the last twelve months. At least, not as much as most of us would like. So maybe we should talk about critical mass, again. As usual, if you aren’t giving this year, or can’t give this year, that’s okay. But if you are or want to but don’t know how, here are a few thoughts…

1. Pick an organization or cause you care about and pledge to give them…however much you can every single month of the year. Choose one of the suicide prevention organizations I wrote about last month. Or a shelter you know about. Or the ASPCA. Whatever cause touches your heart. It can be five dollars. Seriously. It can be ten dollars. The individual amounts don’t matter as much as the twelve payments. Remember, we’re looking at critical mass, here.
2. Get in touch with your best friend, your colleagues, your condo association, whomever, and all “adopt a family” together. Or a single child off of the mall’s Angel Tree. Or a senior. The point isn’t to give the most presents or even to give to the most number of kids. The point is to make your money - and your best friend’s, your colleagues’ or your condo association’s money - go the farthest.
3. Get those same people together and everybody pitch in for a single toy. Schools, Toys for Tots, hospitals, human services organizations…again, take your pick and give them one present from all of you. There is no such thing as too small a donation.
4. Every time you go to the grocery store between now and December 23rd, buy one unit of whatever nonperishable food is on sale. Or whatever toiletry is on sale. One. As you leave the store, drop it in the collection barrel that you know every single grocery in the area is going to have up.
5. Think socks. Or underwear. Or mittens. Are they glamorous and exciting? Aw hell no. But you can get them at the Dollar Store and at discount stores and on sale for very little money. And when it’s winter and someone is cold, I promise, they will be prefer to have several pairs of socks over an iPod.
6. Still too much this year? Believe me, I get it; I’ve been there. Look at your own closet. Anything still in reasonable condition that you don’t wear any longer? Coats, sweaters, hats, scarves – all good options, so long as they are gently worn. Even backpacks and purses. Shelters will find use for them.

And maybe, there’s just nothing. There is nothing extra to spend, nothing extra to give. None of us want to be there and yet, it’s the way of the world sometimes. There’s still something. As you walk by someone on the street, holding up their sign, look them in the eye. Acknowledge they are a human being. Tell them you wish you had something for them and that you’re sorry you don’t. Treat them as the equal they are. Show them some respect. It’s so little, it costs us nothing, and yet it can mean so very much. And really, isn’t that what this time of year is supposed to be about?

Whatever you celebrate, Poppets, celebrate it well. Celebrate it joyfully and with thanks. Have a happy holiday, a raucous New Year, and, until next month, take care of you – and each other.